Expert: Sally Wendkos Olds - 12/5/2007

Question
QUESTION: I have a 14 1/2 month old daughter that I am trying to wean, or to stop breastfeeding. She isn't gaining the weight that she is supposed to. She weighed 6 lbs 10 oz at birth and at 1 yr appt, she only weighed 18 lbs 10 oz. I have tried to not give it to her, and she cries and screams until her diaphragm starts to spasm. I want to be able to take her away with success and at the same time, I want it to be a smooth transition as possible for the both of us. She has never been on a schedule, she eats anywhere from 4-8 times at night, and a lot during the day. it might be foe comfort. Please help me.

ANSWER: Dear Cynthia,

First, congratulations for giving your daughter the best start in life by breastfeeding her!

Her weight at one year does not seem to me to be unusually light. At her 1-year check-up was your doctor concerned about her not gaining enough? If the doctor is not worried, you should not be either.

As far as weaning her from the breast, you seem to be ready but she does not seem to be! I have an entire chapter about weaning in my book (see below), but briefly the smoothest way to do this is to eliminate one feeding at a time, the one she is least interested in -- and to substitute something else interesting at the same time.

I'm wondering whether your daughter is in special need at this time for emotional support. Has anything changed in her life -- like a special person she was fond of not being there any more, or has she been sick, or is there anything else that you can think of? If so, try just breastfeeding her all she wants for about a week and don't worry about givingg her solid foods. Then after that time, reintroduce her favorite solid food (applesauce or other fruit is usually the favorite) after a nursing when she isn't wildly hungry, and see whether she eats it. You might also give her finger foods that she can handle and may enjoy picking up -- like cooked peas, Cheerios, banana slices, etc.

As far as the night-time nursings are concerned -- four to eight times a night is a lot for a baby of this age. Try sleeping somewhere else for a night or two and let your husband or partner comfort your daughter. If you're not right there, she may be willing to go back to sleep.

Also, try to keep her busy during the day -- take her out for walks, go to the playground, have a playdate with a friend and the friend's baby, do as much as you can to distract her and keep her mind off nursing!

Babies who don't want to give up nursing when their mothers do present a challenge! You may just have to try one thing after another before you find a solution that keeps you both happy. I'm sure you will work this out.

Good luck!

Sally
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Sally Wendkos Olds
Author, THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING: Eiger & Olds, 3rd edition 1999, published by Workman Publishing & Bantam Books, and available in most public libraries, bookstores & La Leche League chapters.






---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: ACTUALLY SHE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE NOW. IN THE NIGHT TIME WHEN WE ARE SLEEPING, IF I GET UP, SHE WAKES UP AND STARTS CRYING. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS OF CONCERN, BUT FOR A LONG TIME, SHE IS REALLY CLINGY, IF ME OR MY HUSAND LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE STARTS CRYING A LOT. AT HER 1 YR APPT, IT SEEMED THAT THE DR THOUGHT HER WEIGHT WAS OF CONCERN, SHE SAID SHE SHOULD WEIGH MORE. SHE WILL BE 15 MONTHS ON THE 18TH, AND SHE ONLY WEIGHS ABOUT 19 LBS.
THANK YOU,

Answer
Dear Cynthia,

I can really appreciate the hard time you, your husband, and your daughter are going through right now, but it seems to me that this is an emotional question in addition to a breastfeeding one.

I would suggest that you make an appointment with your pediatrician and take your daughter in. That way the doctor can check up on your baby's weight and look at her general health, and may also give you suggestions for dealing with her spells of crying.

I would like to help, but unfortunately this is the kind of problem that can't be solved from a distance.

Good luck!

Sally
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Sally Wendkos Olds
Author, THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING: Eiger & Olds, 3rd edition 1999, published by Workman Publishing & Bantam Books, and available in most public libraries, bookstores & La Leche League chapters.