Expert: Sue Ennis - 11/26/2007

Question
I am a stay at home mother of a 15 month old little boy. I am ready to wean him but I am finding it difficult. Since birth he has slept in bed with my husband and I. He has always nursed to sleep at night and during the day. He wakes up 3 to 5 times a night and wants the breast. For the last 6 months I have put him in his crib to sleep at bedtime but then wind up taking him to bed with me when he wakes up around 12PM or later. For about 2 weeks he would nurse and then roll over and drift off to sleep alone and he was sleeping through the night but then he regressed back to his wanting the breast and waking up all night. He has never been a good sleeper and some days will go without a nap so you would think he'd be tired! He wants to nurse about 4+ times a during the day. Unfortunately he now is getting cavites and the dentist thinks the nursing to sleep isn't helping the situation. To make the situation more difficult my husband doesn't like to hear my son cry so he gets upset that the baby is upset and sometimes blames me for nursing him for so long and nursing him to sleep. He also isn't willing to get up with the baby all night because he has to work. Not feeling like I have his help and support makes it difficult for me to deal with the whole situation and the guilt I feel for taking away the breast. Please help me come up with a plan.

Answer
Hello Kim - firstly, your situation is very common on many aspects.  First, your son simply loves the bond that you've built and the comfort of breastfeeding.  Have you tried giving him a bottle while holding him close?  This may help bridge the gap as a start, and also with the cavities occuring, you can shortly after try to do the same routine followed with a bottle of water to rinse the teeth before bed.  At 15 months, he may even learn to hold the bottle of water in his crib while you sit aside him until he drifts to sleep.  As another thing you need to work thru is to get him to fall asleep without being held which is another comforting thing he has grown to love...not a bad thing :)  Also, at 15 months, you should be introducing toys and items that he finds intriguing and see if there are a couple things that are both distracting to him and comforting as part of a night time routine.  The good 'ol security blanket idea is tied to they have a tangible item that provides comfort and also while it's with them, they get used to a routine of when it's nighttime.  As for the nighttime routine, as hard as it sounds, you will need to help him learn to self soothe. Perhaps you explain to your husband that for "10 days" he may hear more crying but it is part of a plan to develop your son to better sleeping patterns.  For example, if you can get him to take a bottle, and wind down to bedtime, you can have that he a step one of the nightly routine, then maybe a book reading with quiet music...and then a bottle of water in his crib if the suckling is what tends to make him drift off to sleep.  Then stay by his crib for about 5 mins, then move away about 5 feet so he knows you are there, and then work your way out the door.  I won't lie, he will cry.  But each night just make the routine a minute shorter and then return to soothe him after leaving him to learn it is bed time.  Also, keep in mind that when babies wake thru the night, many times if leaf alone, they will go back to sleep.  We often are the ones that acutally wake them completely up by going into the room.  If they are feed well, in a clean diaper, and in a safe crib...they are good to learn that night time is a time to sleep and until morning..or at least for a long stretch.  Again, explain to your husband that this will all be behind you shortly.  In the next few months, his activity level will spike and he will be more tired from his movements and you'll see that he will transform into a much better sleeper as you go.  Don't let any blame side track you...you are working to help your child and thru these developmental stages and when the time comes to stop breastfeeding, it is always missed by both...so as tough as it is for him, do keep in mind that it's ok to be tough for you as well.  As a last point, at 15 months, make sure he gets enough activity and even increase it to make him even more tired when you start the routine, this will help the transition.  I wish you all the best and good luck!