Expert: Tammy Petersen - 11/20/2006

Question
I have enjoyed breastfeeding my child up until now.  He is 14 mos. old.  I would like to stop breastfeeding altogether between 15 and 18 months old.  He is a sensitive child who is very loving. However, my husband has sleeping problems and sleeps mostly in the other room while I tend to the baby at night.  I have struggled with wanting to stop breastfeeding for comfort through the night.  I would like to get a good night's sleep.  I would like for my husband to sleep more often in the same bed with me.  However, he insists that I continue breastfeeding and comforting our son through the night, which for me is easiest by just putting him in the bed with me.  
I have tried letting him cry himself to sleep to encourage him to settle himself , but it breaks my heart to hear him cry.  I just don't feel like God would encourage us to let our children cry for extended periods of time when they need to be comforted anytime.  The other thing that bothers me is that when my 14 month old does sleep most of the night with me in the bed, he wakes us and wants to roll over the top of me to nurse on the other side.  This gets old after a few wakings and seems to happen more often if I don't return him to his own bed after he has dozed off fairly well.
I guess I just want some reassurance as to when or how to wean him off the breast at night.  I fear that he will have the same sleep problems that my husband has if he doesn't learn to settle himself down at night.  But, I want to provide love and comfort to my child whenever he needs it.  Please just help to calm some of my fears and maybe find a solution for feeling better about sleeping peacefully through the night for the whole family.

Answer
Melanie,

I would suggest starting now. It will not get easier for you or baby. You need to do what is best for you and your family. There is no proof he will sleep better alone, or that he will have the sleep issues your husband has. Although today we have sleep clinics to help us.

You should ask your husband for support through the weaning process and have him play a role in helping get through it. He can be the one to soothe the baby.

It is normal for an older child to switch sides for nursing. They know when one side is drained so they roll on to the next one.

It is not easy and will not get easier as he knows what you are cutting him off from. He can be "reasoned" with to a degree. Explain what will be happening and when. Show him the calendar, give him a deadline. He will not understand completely but tell him he is a big boy now.

I know it sounds like it won't work, but it actually may not be as hard as our minds make it out to be.

Once you start you cannot give in. So you must be strong, consistent, and patient.

Good luck,
Tammy