Expert: Sally Wendkos Olds - 1/10/2006

Question
My family and my husband's family are against me nursing.  My mother's family says its disgusting and unnatural and the others just keep saying 'why bother?'. No matter what I tell them about the benefits and so forth, they don't listen.  My husband and one of my cousins are the only ones that are supporting me at all.  To me, the only way to go if you are physically able is breastfeeding.  Bottlefeeding without a true reason seems so impersonal and uncaring to me.  The comments of 'why do you want something slobbering on your boobs' and 'bottles are easier' is really making me angry and I'm afraid I'm going to burst.  How can I make them leave me alone?  I haven't even given birth yet and they are this bad!!

Answer
Dear Misty,

Congratulations for planning to give your baby the best start in life by breastfeeding! As you probably know, you'll get benefits too.

You are lucky that your husband is supporting your decision. Some research has found that a husband's support can make a crucial difference in the success of the breastfeeding experience. Although other people's opinions can be irritating, they are not nearly so important. I am attaching an excerpt from my book (see below) that some moms have found helpful. I hope you do too. It is really important for you to have good information so that you can present your point of view with confidence.

As you say, you haven't given birth yet -- so consider this as good preparation for dealing with unwanted opinions on caring for your baby once she or he is born!

Good luck!

Sally

Sally Wendkos Olds
Author, THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING: Eiger & Olds, 3rd edition 1999, published by Workman Publishing & Bantam Books, and available in most public libraries, bookstores & La Leche League chapters.

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excerpt from THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING:

Q:  Ever since I decided to breastfeed, everyone has been trying to talk me out of it. How can I deal with all this opposition?
A:  Opposition to breastfeeding is less common these days than it was a few years ago, but you may still sometimes hear put-downs like "You wouldn't make a good cow" or "Why can't you be like everyone else and do the natural thing --give the baby a bottle?" or "What are you trying to prove?" Or people may blame a baby's every crying jag on your milk (or what they diagnose as your lack of it) or by doctors who suggest that you stop breastfeeding if you run into a minor problem.
  
When these situations arise, try to think why people say these things, and then respond accordingly. When people have good intentions but poor information about the normal course of breastfeeding, you can enlighten them. When a trace of jealousy affects a grandmother (who sees you care for your baby so competently without her help) or a friend (who did not have a good nursing experience herself), you can help build up their morale. And when a doctor seems to be misinterpreting your questions, thinking that you're asking for permission to stop nursing, while you're actually asking for support and information, you can be clearer in your communication.
  In any case, once you make your decision to breastfeed, stick with it. You may not be able to change other people's minds, but you don't have to let them change yours.