AboutCharlotte Barkel Expertise I can answer most questions about fighting, younger/ older sibling boundaries, Depressing issues such as jealousy, changing and others. Also I know how to deal with children who have lost their siblings, via- death, moving out, sickness and so forth.
Experience I have two older brothers and one younger sister and we always fought, so I know how to solve problems and deal with siblings.
Education/Credentials
I have completed Primary and secondary school. Also, I have done a TAFE course on child care.
Expert: Charlotte Barkel Date: 7/18/2008 Subject: problems with brother
Question hi,
how do we forgive siblings for taking out all there problems and anger on us? i have been putting up with it for a yr and left my life dealing with his problems and now i have failed my exams, i am drained out with everything and i cant get my life back to shape as it was. i use to live alone and it was perfect cheap and everything he came to live with me didnt like it, he didnt have money so made me move out to find a cheaper place he spent all my money for uni which i needed, i had to help him find work, show him around, and cook and clean for him. when i finally realised he is taking advantage of me i wanted to move out but it was then too late because i had too much stuff to do and also i could not find any place i could afford, i then had to rely on him finiancially, since i was behind in uni and we agreed when i finish uni and start work i would pay him back. looking back to this experience i relise i put very little into uni and my dreams and all i remember was fighting with him and trying to come home late so that i dont need to hear his problems or his complaints and we fight and he makes me feel bad. all this has affected me with studies and i failed exams and now i need to give them again next year. i cant help but feel anger and hatred for his behaviour and for myself for thinking i should just cope with it and that its my fault. am i wrong to feel like this? is it not normal? my mother says i need to stop blaming my brother and admit its my fault for not going well in my exams but i feel that he is what affected me in not being able to study and fail my exams. my father warned me before my brother came that i will have a difficult time and that he wants everthing ready and gets angry easy and gives up things, but i wanted to help, now im in a state though trying to help myself recover. there were even times when he was angry he would break everything in the house and even times where he would hit me.
Answer My opinion on this situation is a hard one. I have to say your brother does need some straightening out and you will have to move on. It is not wrong to feel bad towards brothers and sisters who have caused you grief.
I feel that you should move on. Tell your parents you can't put up with him and tell him he will have to move out if you feel that's what's best. You may want to live on your own again or with a friend till you pick things back up and make sure you study study study.
As for your brother, just because you can't live together doesn't mean you still can't be friendly towards each other. Tell him you need some time to straighten things out at uni and you don't want to hurt him but it's for the best. Make sure your parents know what you are doing first. If they hear it from him they will most likely get the wrong side of the story.
Good luck at getting your life on track and feel free to ask again.
