Expert: Jaycie - 4/26/2010

Question
QUESTION: Dear Jaycie, It's great to see you still on here, even though it must be a lot of work for you not to mention all that responsibility of giving people good advice.  Will you be graduating this year?   I know school must be making you really, really busy.  I think about you all the time.  I don't mean to sound creepy but I fantasise about what it would be like to be your kid. You are going to be such an amzing mom.  You make it easier for me to deal with not having a mom because you care so much about people.  

I'm still not alowed to have my own email yet, so this is on Rod's.  I saw Connie and Brad kissing and I want to know what you think.  Is she too young for that yet?  I know she is really strong and won't let anything happen, but Brad was all over her and I could see that his thing was huge in his pants.  I told Amy who is Connie's friend, and I know that was a mistake because now Connie will find out and I'll be in trouble.  Amy said that I'm just jealous, but how can that be when Connie is 5 times younger than me? Although I do feel like I've been acting out around Connie, and do you think it's so that I can get attention from her?  Amy thinks so.  Why would I do that Jaycie?  I've been so good Jaycie.  I've been doing everything you told me to, especially listening to what Connie tells me to do, and doing it without hesitating.  But I did get in trouble last time I snuck a message to you because Rod told Connie that I was using her computer.  I know I really deserved the punishments I got after doing that.  I know I should have asked permission from Connie this time too, but I didn't.  I know I'm learning but I still get it wrong. Connie tells me to think before I do anything but I find that hard sometimes.  She said I'm too impulsive and that's what gets me in trouble with her.  Is she right Jaycie?  I feel like I'm almost there except I don't listen good to Connie, but almost.  How can I get all the way with that?  I really want to because I know I'm happier when I'm more obedient.  Anyway that's it Jaycie. I'm glad I don't bug you as much as I used to. Connie was right not to let me.  I should go because they will be home soon. I hope Rod dosent tell Connie that I've used his computer again. Do you think I should come clean and tell her instead?

Thank you so kindly Jaycie.
Yours with respect.  William

ANSWER: You know about my religion a little bit but we also say that there isn't any dating until you are 16 and even then, it's with groups and no steady dating. So to answer you, yes, I do think that she's too young for that. I didn't kiss anyone until I was 16 and we had been dating for a while before it happened. She needs to be careful. She can get hurt. It happened to me and I was careful and a lot older than her.

I think you feel more protective of her more than anything. That's why you do what you do.

You're not impulsive if you think about the consequences at all and it sounds like you do. You know you can get in trouble for something but you do it anyway. That's called being independent or doing something on your own. It's not always a bad thing.

She might go easier on you if you tell her first but I don't know for sure. You know that better than me.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear jaycie, first of all thank you for the advice you gave me.  It makes me feel much safer. Thank you for being so caring to a stranger.  I am so sorry that someone hurt you.  That makes me sad.  I feel though that everything that happens to you will make you stronger and more wise.  And that's why you have so much advice to give to other people, and wisdom because you have so much experience in life.  You are the wisest person I know, honestly you are.

Well, you were right again.  Connie was much easier on me because I told her that I used the computer without first asking for her permission.  I was punished in her room with her riding crop but after that she kissed me and hugged me and said that she understood that I missed being able to talk to you.  I was crying and said that I was sorry.  She said that I could start using the computer again, but only  for email and nothing else.  How can I make myself not look at bad stuff on the internet.  Should I be open with Connie about having a problem and ask for her advice.  Connie also said that if she discovered that I am bugging you too much, I'll be cut off again.  I promised her that I would only do what she wants me to Jaycie.  Connie is so awsome and I started crying again but this time because I was so happy.  I know I make her sound like she's really bad because she's tough with me but she is so mature and fair about everything.  It makes me even more committed to her. Doesn't she sound really good for me Jaycie?  I guess I want you to like Connie and understand how much she means to me and that I would be lost without her being over me.  I know I'm not ready to be without that yet.  I love knowing that my place is under Connie.  I hope you understand.  I guess your approval is really important to me.  

I would like to say something to Brad and Connie about the kissing.  Do you really think that would go over well tho?  I feel it would be like the little kid telling the parents what to do. Can I please ask what the difference is between French kissing and the way that Connie kisses me.  I don't think I ever french kissed anyone.  Is it really different?  I know that I should know but I don't.  Is it French kissing that makes Brad so hard? I just know that when I get kissed I don't get like that. What does it do to Connie?  Sorry to ask such embarasing stuff Jaycie.  I feel I should know more but I'm so immature about that stuff.  Can I please ask Connie about it too.  I don't think Connie will let things go too far with Brad because she always tells him, that's enough and pushes him away.  He always listens to her.  Do you think he would ever listen to me especially since I'm so immature.  And also especially since Brad always calls me by girl names and that always makes me blush.  But I do respect Brad so much and I really love him a lot.  I wish I could feel bad things about Brad sometimes but I can't.  I would rather love that hate people.  I really look up to him and wish I could be more like him in someways, especially I wish I could be as confident and masculine as he is.  Is it okay for me to admire some things about Brad and not some other things?  

Connie's mom has been really hard on Connie's stepdad lately because he has been drinking and coming home late and she is gone this weekend to one of her church retreats and won't be here to supervise him.  Before she left she met with us all and told us that Connie is to be in charge of everything in the house and also everybody during the time she is gone.  I think that's a bit hard on Connie's stepdad but he does have problems that need fixed.  I know because I've been there too and Connie is so good for me.  Connie has him doing chores and he listened to her okay but I could tell he was a bit reluctant and wanted to argue with her.  She also has him grounded all weekend so that he won't go to the bar. She took his car keys.  I think Connie can work her beautiful magic on him if he just listens to her.  He is only 25 which is 10 years younger than Connie's mom.  Do you think I should talk to him and tell him that it's best just to do what Connie says?  I know it would be best for him.  He isn't that much older than Connie, so it should be easy for him.  I'm 40 years older than Connie and it's easy for me to do what she says.  I know if he doesn't listen to her it won't be pretty.  If it's easy for me to do what Connie wants, shouldn't it be easy for him?

Thank you for saying that I'm not jealous and that I'm just being protective.  But I do silly little things around Connie, more than I used to. Like making little mistakes all the time.  I know I'm acting up to get her attention because she gives Brad so much attention now.  And also I feel that I want her to think I'm more special than her stepdad.  What should I do to prove that I'm better than Brad and her stepdad?  Should I do more things for her?  Should I prove that I can be more obedient than them so that Connie will let me do more things for her than them?  I'm I sounding just a little bit jealous jaycie don't you think?  

So I have to promise that this is the last time I will ask for your advice for a whole week.  I promise Jaycie.  You are so amazing.  Thank you

Yours respectfully. William

ANSWER: French kissing is using your tongue. That's pretty much the only difference. Now people call it making out a lot more than french kissing. The problem with it is that it's a lot more passionate and can lead to other things. Usually it goes kissing, french kissing/making out, touching each other, and then having sex. This could be why Brad gets excited because his body thinks something else is coming. Eventually this could be bad for her because she could get hurt when his head catches up to his body and he wants more.

With the step dad, it all depends on his personality. Just kind of tell him that Connie likes to be in charge and hopefully he'll figure it out on his own.

Just do what she asks you and don't mess up on purpose.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for explaining french kissing and making out Jaycie.  I think I'll leave that for now because it's too complicated and a little bit scary for me.  I know Brad gets excited when he's touching and making out with Connie, even when they lie on her bed and do it,  but I know he listens to her when she says no and he doesn't sleep in there.  He's here all the time when Connie's mom is gone.  I love when he's around.  I like him more and more.  I really try hard to like people and please them.  That's my way to make things work.  Is there anything wrong with me doing that Jaycie?  Before I had a chance to talk with Connie's stepdad he found out the hard way that she is in charge.  He said no to her in front of Brad and Brad took him to Connie's room and when he came back a lot later he apologized to Connie and promised to listen to her and do what she tells him.  He isn't a real strong person so I think he will get it.   What do you think Brad did?  It made me feel proud of Brad.  He is THE man in the house but he still listens to what Connie says.  I really love him so much for that.  I promise to do what Connie asks all the time, but I'm having trouble not messing up on purpose.  I don't know how to stop doing that, even if I get punished a lot more for it.  Amy says that's why I do it.  Is that true do you think Jaycie?  Why do you think people like me like to get punished?  Isn't it sorta weird?  I know you must think I'm weird, but I know you work with all sorts of people.

Please don't answer until you have a lot of time because I know how busy you are.

Thank you Jaycie.  Yours respectfully.  William

Answer
There's nothing wrong with trying to make people happy or anything like that. That's why I do this.

You get attention from good and bad things and when the good things aren't noticed enough, people turn to the bad things. That could be why you mess up on purpose.