Expert: Jaycie - 7/8/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi well I just have a few question regaurding what I should do. Me and my sister stephanie seem to be in arguments all the time lately. She has this boyfriend who has slept over a few times. I don't know him so I am not comfortable with this I told her but it just went into a huge screaming match. I talked to my mom and told her how I felt but my sister thinks that people are attacking her when they give there oppinion so my mom says she doseng but I think she tries to avoid it alot so it leaves me feeling like my feelings and oppinions don't matter. I recently text my sister and told her that I hope he is worth our relationship because I was done I don't like being stressed and arguements. Me and my sister won't even be in the same room togather and we don't talk anymore.  I would like a relationship with her but I do know it is never going to be the way it was. We were close at one point. Please help what should I do.
    Thanks Jess

ANSWER: If you were close once, you can be close again. You just have to get over this little "bump in the road" I guess. Don't just tell her that you are uncomfortable with the boyfriend sleeping over. Tell her why. Ask her why he's staying over. Let her give you reasons for what she's doing. Listen to her. I'm assuming she's older than you are so she might think that she doesn't have to listen to you but she needs to respect you. Don't blame her for everything or say that you don't want to talk to her or anything. Just explain that you don't like it and make sure you have good reasons for it that will make sense to her as well. Just talk. Don't get upset and don't make her upset. You just need to talk this out.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi yes she us older. I have tried just talking and explainig before and she dosent listen to me. I always get the feeling that she thinks she is more superior over me even though she's 19 and I am 17. I tried explaing this all to my mom but like I said before she assums we are attacking her so do you have any advice on how to approach her we haven't talked to each other now for about a week now.
  Thanks for the help

Answer
I can give you some tips but you have to come up with the conversation. I don't know either of you very well so I don't know what would work best for either of you.

Don't start with saying you need to talk to her. Just say hi. Ask what she's doing or if she wants to go see a movie or something. Ask if she could help you with something. Let's say both of you are in the kitchen and you go get a drink. Ask her if she wants one too. Just get conversation going between you again. You don't have to make a speech, just talk. She is your sister and she loves you even though you argue. Just start with something simple and then after a while you can ask if you can bring up something important. Ask her about a boy you like and then go onto talking about her boyfriend. Ask her what clothes you should where to school one day to look a little extra special. Anything will work. Don't get too deep too fast and you should be fine.