Expert: Keld - 7/23/2010

Question
Hi,
Over the past year, my twin sister and I have been having some major problems. We're both 18 and getting ready to move on after being in high school. I'm going to college, and she's still trying to figure out whether to go to college or not. She's constantly stressed about what to do in the Fall. She takes out all her stress on my parents and me, even though we just want to help her. She yells at everyone in my family and doesn't help with chores. She's very irresponsible; her room is a mess, and although she's way past the deadline she's still considering going or not going to college. She currently has a part time job,
internship, and is rehearsing for a play, but she uses these things as an excuse to take the car we share and use it all day. I usually have to borrow my mom's or walk to work. She's very unrealistic about planning for the future; when my mom says she doesn't think a school is an option because it costs too much, my
sister claims that she's going to go there herself and pay for it herself. The thing that bothers me the most is that my parents just blow her behavior off. My mom will fight with my sister and then just let it go, even though it happens almost every day! I feel like there should be something my family can do so that
my sister can see how mean she's being to all of us. My sister and I used to be so close but now she's mean to me every day. She even picks fights in front of our mutual friends. I don't like to ask my friends for advice about her because most I don't want to put them in an awkward position of choosing my side or hers. My sister acts so nice to all of our mutual friends, but will snap at me anytime. I can hardly stand to be around her. She used to be my best friend and now I don't even want to talk to her. She seems to only care about herself. The fact that she doesn't care about me or my family makes me really sad. I just want to be close with her again. I've told her how I feel but she'll just say "Ok, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I'm such a bad person. Ok? I'm
sorry!" and walk away. So obviously she doesn't care.

I really just want my sister back. I don't want to have such a bad relationship with her before I leave for school. Thanks for any advice you have. This has really been getting to me lately.
Olivia

Answer
Hey Olivia,
 The transition that you and your sister are going trough is hard, people react to that stress differently. My advice would be to spend some sister time like you used to. Don't go talk to her straight out about the problem, ease her to it. Yeah, your parents might seem to leave her off the hook too easily, but that is just because they understand what she is going trough. Hope this helped and my best wishes for your family.