Expert: Lanay Stockstill - 8/25/2010

Question
Well im 14 and my lil bro is 12 and everyday we will ague and fight and
he always try to make me angry by annoying me staying in my room
,making obnoxious noises , ruining my room when I finally clean it , all out      
Lying to my mom just to get me in trouble I've tried to talk to her about
him luring but me being the older boy she takes his side and I en up in
trouble for him annoying me . We have gotten in fights and I mean to were
I had him up against the wall just becaus I had gotten so angry and was
trying to send him a message I don't want to be annoyed he also acts as
if he us going to kick me or punch me and that really makes me go crazy
.... what can I do to just get along and have him be a good lol bro and
respect me and my space

Answer
Yeah, little brothers can be a pain.  Younger siblings try to test you over and over by pushing your buttons, and it may feel like nothing works.  The truth is you can do something.  

My youngest sister was an expert at pushing my buttons to get me angry, and I didn't learn till I was much older how to deal with it.  I found that her objective was to get me angry.  She wanted me to lose control and get in trouble, so I learned to take that away from her.  I quit losing my cool.  She would try to get me to argue with her and I just wouldn't because I knew that is what she wanted.  

As a result it ended up being her that was frustrated while I got some satisfaction at controlling my actions/temper and keeping my cool.

Here are some tips to help:
- Stop a second before you take action and think about what your brother is trying to do.  Is he looking for a conflict?  Once you figure that out, you can take control by not giving him what he wants.
- Is there a way to make your brother think by redirecting his attention to something else?  Distract him from trying to pick a fight.  
- Remove yourself from the conflict.  If it looks like you two are headed for disagreement, keep yourself and your voice calm and low.  Leave the room.

I'm sure there are times when he needs you to do something for him.  

Say he can't go to the park without you, so he asks you to take him.  Tell him you'd really like to go but since he messed up your room you have to clean it again.  Maybe next time.  

I hope these tips help.  Just try to keep your cool.  When you do, you aren't giving him the satisfaction of getting to you.

Lanay