Expert: Jaycie - 8/3/2010

Question
It’s William’s birthday so I’m thinking about allowing him to talk with you.  I know you think I’m mean with him but I’m not.  My mom made me be responsible for him, so I take it serious and I’m good at it.  He’s old enough to be someones grandad but he acts like a baby girl most of the time so I have to be the adult in his life.  He’s quite good most of the time but he sometimes won’t do what he’s told or doesn’t listen well or respect my decisions, so those are the only times I have to discipline him.  When it happens I count to 3 and if he won’t change his attitude then I have to spank him or put him on a time out but mostly when I get to 2 his attitude changes.   I know you encouraged him to hide my crop from me but that just made it worse on him when I did find it.  You were right about that happening and then I cut off his internet and tv priviliges.  I just don’t think you are being fair because I asked mom and she thinks you are playing good cop and I have to be the bad cop but I am the one who is responsible for him and have to live with the consequences.  He can write to you but there’s a condition-you must promise me to tell him to do what I say because it’s best for him to hear just one kind of message.   I always explain to him why he’s getting a punishment and he always acts better after it.  He is good most of the time but sometimes he gets really annoying and he acts out to get attention from me. I told him he could leave if he wants but he said no. Please promise you will make him listen to me.  Connie

Answer
I've never told him what to do. I've always told him to do what you say because that will make it easier on him. I don't agree with what you are doing because it's not helping him be able to take care of himself, which is the goal of real discipline. I can't promise anything and I won't promise anything because I don't agree with what you are doing but I've never told him to disobey you. I know I won't do that.