Expert: Lanay Stockstill - 9/8/2010

Question
I'm 15 and my brother is 13 he is in 8th grade and I'm in 10th, but he is in all advents class so ever though were in different schools he is taking earth sci. like me, and is in 9th grade class. And no matter how hard i try i can't compare to him. i feel I'm like the frailer child, i have troubled with reading, spelling, and learning all together i can't compare to him. he is so smart i feel so dumn around him and it makes me resent him, i want to punch him. its not fair. and on top of that he all was gets sick and ends up in the hospital. i feel bad for him and do what ever i can to help when he is hurt but he gets rude and snaky. with makes me mad at him. what can i do to get ride of my anger and not hurt him?  

Answer
It must be hard to work so hard and feel you have to compare yourself to your brother.  I remember comparing myself to my sister, not in the school department, but in the looks department.  I always had an awkward way about me in high school while my sister was always notice for her looks and body.  

On the other hand, my sister struggled with her grades while I did not.  Now, we both had things we struggled with but both of us have found ways to be successful, and neither of us were very happy comparing ourselves to the other because we each had different strengths and weaknesses.  

When you compare yourself to other people you will likely come up lacking because you don't know what their struggles are.  I know my sister still struggles with thinking she wished school was easier for her even though she is an engineer now.  Just like I'm sure your brother would trade his grades for no more illness.

The best way to judge how you are doing is to use yourself as a comparison. Are you improving today versus a month ago?  If you are, you deserve recognition from yourself.  Forget other people.  Focus on acknowledging your strengths and improving over time.

I hope this helps,

Lanay