Expert: Rachel M - 2/2/2011

Question
Hello!
My name is Gabby, I am a high school freshman, 15 years old. I have one sibling and it is an older brother who is a high school senior, 17 years old. All my friends who have older brothers seem to be so close to them and are able to open up to them. But with my brother, I find it so hard to communicate with. When I pass by him in the school hallway we don't even acknowledge one another. He rarely tells me anything about his personal life and vice versa. We barely ever talk and we just seem so distant. On occasion we do talk, and when we do it's actually really fun and he's a really cool guy. But the problem is that we are so different and rarely find the time to talk to each other. Is this normal? Or do I have a really bad relationship with my brother?
Thank you for your time.

Answer
Dear Gabby, i'm sorry to say but there are a couple things here that you need to understand.
You and your brother are in the same school, he being a senior, his mind is definitely somewhere else such as graduation, where you as a freshmen are just starting off in high school. You really can't compare yourself to your friends because everyone’s relationships are much different. When passing each other in the hallway you need to take the initiative and maybe say something, you can't just depend on him to make the first move. When you talk is it when you are at home? Maybe if you are conversing in home he may not be comfortable talking outside of his comfort zone which is PERFECTLY normal for a high school boy, i'm afraid to tell you. It’s great that you actually have a little communication with him. It seems to me that you are waiting for HIM to make the first move and that sometimes just doesn't work. I recommend maybe pulling him aside one day when you know he isn't busy at home and talk to him about it. If nothing comes out of it you really just have to wait. This is a waiting game as well, you need to wait until his mind is clear of distractions and maybe that will happen when he finally graduates.
Best Regards
Rachel