Expert: Rachel M - 3/11/2011

Question
QUESTION: ME and my sister are always arguing. We get grounded for it but my mom and her boyfriend argue and whenever i tell her it isnt fair she doesnt care. also she takes my sisters side of the story and belives her and she never lets me finish what i have to say. What should i do? Also she calls me lazy when i do: the dishes, kitchen, living room, my room, the cat litter, guinea pig cage, and the bathroom. my sister helps with the room and thats all. What should i do

ANSWER: Dear Jaizlyn,
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship problems with your sister. What i would like to know is what your age differences are, because sometimes that's crucial.

Secondly, the "not fair" plea, never really works in your favor, trust me. Just because your mom fights with her boyfriend doesn't make it right, but you also can't throw that in her face. It does make her feel bad, even if she doesn't show it. When it comes to your mom believing your sister over you, it's part of life. Hate to say it, but it is. That is how it was for me and my sister when i was growing up. My father constantly took the side of my sister, but later on in life it evened out. Maybe you could pull you mom aside and talk to her. Make sure your sister isn't around so your mom isn't distracted. Do NOT sound like your blaming your sister either though. Maybe start the conversation as asking if you can talk to your mom about something that has been bothering you lately. Then move onto you and your sister fighting, you obviously don't like fighting with your sister and make that clear to your mom. Make it sound like you are making an effort to actually alleviate tension between you and your sister. Then ask, when you confront us about our fights, i feel like you lean more towards your sister side and ask sincerely if she does actually lean to your sister or if you are just perceiving it that way.

When we are in the heat of the moment in a fight, we usually always think the person scolding us for fighting is siding with the other person, where as that person may be feeling like the scolder is taking YOUR side.

Then maybe confront her about your chores. Do not bring your sister on in this point. Start it off like this. "I was wondering what you think about when i do my chores? Is there a way i can improve, because i feel that when i finish you don't approve of what i have done? How can i fix that?" You have to sound like you want to improve; otherwise your mother will question you why you are even bringing this up. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship with you and your sister!
Best Regards
Rachel


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm 13 she's 7

Answer
There really isn't any thing i can say to make you feel "better". Since she is only seven, fighting is pretty common among this age. Your mother will probably expect you to be the more mature one in these situations. What i advise you to do if you ever get into a fight, just WALK AWAY. It's the best thing to do. And if you sister persists on trying to further the arguement you need to let yout mother know.
Rachel