Expert: Alex Wilding - 10/31/2008

Question
I read that one of the ways to remove suffering from oneself is to avoid attachments. How does that work for people who have families? Are you supposed to love and be attached to your children? How is your attachment to your children, which can cause suffering, different from any of the other attachments which people are told to avoid?

Answer
Hi Marc,
That's a question that troubles a lot of people. I think it can be answered on a number of different levels.
On one level, the level we call "narrow", we interpret "attachment" very literally. For someone working at that level it is indeed better to avoid having sexual partners, avoid having children, and live a very pure, quiet life.
On a second, wider level, it is more appropriate to have compassion for everyone, including of course any children you might have, and to joyously do whatever it is that will help them most, without regard for your own, personal "spiritual progress".
On a third, perhaps deeper, level, "attachment" refers just to how we respond to anything in our life - let there be children, or no children, friends, loneliness - whatever happens, it is just the play of your mind that gives it meaning, so we can give any such things a meaning of joy and freedom.
So I understand it, anyway - I hope that helps a bit.
All the best
AW