Expert: Alex Wilding - 11/18/2008

Question
"I am a twice divorced, 38 yr. old male who was raised as a Southern Baptist. I have made some bad choices in my life inculding doing almost every drug I ever came upon, losing great jobs and hurting those who love me the most. I've recently lost the best job I ever had and then was arrested for growing marijuna. I've hit rock bottom. The positive side of my life is that I have the best girlfriend any man could want but I cant find the love in my heart to even hold her hand. I started reading Lama Sura Das' book "Awaking the budda within" when I was last divorced and it made me not want to turn to drugs, loose women and violence like I had before after my 1st divorce. Buddhism just seems to make so much more sense to me than what man has turned Christianity into. Unfortunatily for me there aren't any Buddhists around my part of north Fl. to help me learn more than what can be taught in just reading a book, no one to ask questions of, no one to help me figure out what it is I'm feeling when I am so depressed and tempted to return to a life I know will not satisfy me but only bring more pain to me and those around me. I really just need someone to turn to when things seem to mount up too large for me to handle sometimes. What do you suggest? Are there people online that can help teach as well as answer my questions? I know I need change but the thought of having to go to a "regular" church just doesnt do it for me. Thank you for any help you may be able to give me on this matter."


Answer
Dear Jeffrey,
Hmm - you've got plenty of bad things to say about yourself! But you are obviously looking to change, and according to Buddhism change is always possible.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume that there are *no* Buddhists near you. Probably not many, and they may keep a low profile. It does sound as if you could do with people to talk to.
The problem with meeting Buddhists (apart from the fact that we are often disappointingly ordinary) is that most of us are strongly connected to some particular tradition of practice, so it's often more useful to try that when you know which direction you are drawn in. In my own tradition (Kagyu) there are centres, for instance, in Jacksonville, Gainsville, St Augustine and Tampa, though I can't say how big they are or what the people are like. Which part of Florida are you? And how clear are you at this stage about any particular style of Buddhism you feel drawn to?
All the best
Alex W