Expert: Stuart Resnick - 12/8/2008

Question
QUESTION: I recently find I am having difficulty feeling compassion for others.  For animals and the planet yes, for humans, no.  I would like to feel compassionate but can't seem to.  When I look deeper into this, I have difficulty understanding the teachings of Buddhism.

Here is my question: Buddhism teaches we should be selfless; we should lose our ego.  It also teaches we should be compassionate.  

Compassion is defined as "a deep awareness of, and sympathy for, another's suffering."  The idea of awareness and sympathy necessarily implies the ability on the part of the subject practitioner to look into his own soul, his own experience, and find harmony or common ground with that of his object, i.e., the person he is helping.

But how can one have compassion, or awareness, or sympathy, without a self or an ego?  Otherwise, who or what is it, exactly, that is feeling compassionate or sympathetic?  A non-being?  A non-self?  An egoless non-entity?  Where do these feelings come from, if not from an ego?  This doesn't make sense to me and I keep returning to the view that these two ideas, selflessness and compassion, are inconsistent and mutually exclusive.

I would appreciate some guidance on this point.

Thanks.

ANSWER: The Buddhist tradition does emphasize the practice of compassion. That's different from feeling compassion, or wanting to be compassionate.

How do you practice compassion? Perceive whatever being is right in front of you, right now, and ask yourself, "How can I help?" Then see what action arises from that question. This doesn't require any idea of self or no-self, nor seeking any particular feeling.

> Buddhism teaches we should be selfless; we should lose our ego.

I'd put it differently. The Buddhist tradition encourages us to inquire into what this "I" is. Buddha taught that "I" is fundamentally empty, a thought that appears and disappears. Buddhists look into the matter.

> It also teaches we should be compassionate.

That means just trying to help another being. It doesn't require holding any idea of how to help, or any particular understanding. It's like... when you're hungry you eat; when someone else is hungry you feed them.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your thoughtful answers.  As a follow-up, do you recommend any exercises or meditations to increase my feeling of compassion for others?  I have gone through a divorce, loss of a loved one, and significant career/financial changes this year.  I feel tapped out and empty, unable to give or feel anything for anyone else.  

I also find feelings of intolerance and dislike for the human race because of its practices of abuse toward animals and the environment.  I feel the planet would be better without humans.

I would like to feel compassionate but cannot.  I appreciate any advice you can offer.

Answer
You don't need to make compassion. If you let go of "I/my/me," then compassion will appear naturally, on its own. So look into what this "I" is. If you ask yourself, "What am I?" sincerely, what appears is a big "Don't Know." This Don't Know mind is before thinking. It's like a clear mirror. When red appears, the mirror naturally reflects red. When white appears, only white. When someone is suffering, the clear mind will naturally help them.

Again, just try to help other beings. Don't worry about whether you feel compassionate or not. Also, just do your own job, without judging others.

If you'd like to try a special practice, you can sit still and quietly, and breath in while saying to yourself, "Clear mind, clear mind, clear mind." Then breath out long, slow, and steady (twice as long as your in-breath), while repeating to yourself, "Don't Know." Whatever thoughts or feelings arise, let them come and go like clouds in the sky, always returning to an awareness of your breath, and "Clear Mind, Clear Mind, Clear Mind... Don't Know."

That's a technique for loosening the grip of "I/my/me" so that compassion can arise naturally.