Expert: Alex Wilding - 7/14/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have been interested in Buddhism since I was about ten years old. Since that time I have not practiced any other religion. I have, however, read books and attempted some meditation. Many years ago I had a very unusual experience, meeting with a Ven. Lama (at the time I did not know who he was or anything about what was about to happen). Lama was very kind, and blessed me. During that experience I saw emptiness, which had not happened before. I did not know what to make of it, other than that I should just carry with me the kindness that I learned and go about my daily interactions with this loving kindness.  I help my experience very close, and this year I decided to pursue my heart felt interest in begin Dharma training. I now want to take refuge, yet at my local Gonpa my experience is that the directing Lama is busy, and there is an air of exclusion about the teachings. It just seems very difficult to learn. The Lama seems to forget who I am or even important conversations. I talked with him finally today and though he had very good advice, telling me to just come to class and not to get emotional about my experience, I also must admit I felt something my daunting when I opened my heart so that he could see within. It seemed that I also saw his shortcomings as a teacher. I want to  take vows with the Lama I met many years ago and frankly I feel a heartfelt connection with him. Since I have learned that this other Lama is very high in the Buddhist tradition, I feel somewhat shy about asking him for this very special request. How shall I go about it?

ANSWER: Dear Stacie,
Hmm, I feel for you. What can I say? Welcome to the real world! (Or does that sound too cynical?)
You do have to bear in mind that some lamas are very busy, that *some* of the surrounding people can be more interested in building their empire than in opening up to you - that will *always* be the case - it has nothing in particular to do with Buddhism - and you just have to be tough enough to work with it.
Two things: one is that when we take refuge, although a lama does the ceremony, you are not taking refuge "in" that lama - you are taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, and the (imperfect, as they all are) lama is just the kind person who introduces you and makes that connection for you. So it is ok, if you want, to take refuge with this local person even if you feel the personal connection is a bit weak. Not if you really can't respect him or her, of course, that would not do! But the lama who gives you refuge is not necessarily the one who will in the end be your main guide.
The other, is that it is OK too if you feel a strong connection to this other lama to try to make contact - write, for instance - and say that you have this strong feeling, and ask if there might ever be an opportunity. Of course, he might really and truly be too busy, but what is wrong with asking?
Do you mind if I ask you who it is?
I hope these thoughts help a bit!
All the best
Alex Wilding

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am sorry, I checked the comments to answer your question about the identity of the Lama I met a long time ago, and it appears my answer was cut off. It was Lama Rinchen Phuntsok. I appreciate your helpful advice.
Do you feel it makes a difference if the guru leads a Western life, as in being married and carrying on in mundane activities? I do wonder if this affects a Lama in being able to "see" and "lead" well.

Answer
Hi Stacie,
No, it was cut of in the first view, but not if clicked on.
As to this question - some say it's better, as the lama may understand our situations better, some say the opposite. Maybe in time we will have enough experience to say what is most likely, but I think you are asking something that just depends on *your* connection and *your* experience of *that* particular person. It's a good question, but I think only one that you can answer (eventually).
All the best
Alex W