Expert: Joe McSorley - 9/13/2008

Question
QUESTION: What if someone wants to fight you or they make it seem like you have no other choice, but to fight back or be severely hurt?  Do you still not fight back because you aren't supposed to hurt or kill someone?  
Or what if its as simple as a bug problem.  What if a bee is going to sting you?  Do you swat him before he can?

ANSWER: Hi Kris,
 I don't know what you read or studied that makes you ask this question but I suspect it has more to do with the Tibetan Buddhist view of life rather than the Zen way.  All nature takes care of itself and its own.  A horse's tail whips around and kills flies and animals fight to save their children. Almost all life continues at the taking of other life by eating it.  From amoeba and krill to cows slowly killing grass there is a constant cycle of life and death.  Of course it is best to avoid violent situations but sometimes violence cannot be avoided.  There is a line of thought in Buddhism that says "If someone robs you, give them everything and let them go, this is compassion".  Well, suppose you do just that, what has the robber learned?  Have they improved their life or thought about it?  Most likely not so their self destructive lifestyle will continue till it destroys them.  What is worse is suppose you let the person go and on the next robbery they rape or murder someone; wouldn't it have been more compassionate to the rest of the world to have had them arrested the first time?  Allowing their violence to continue shows a complete lack of compassion.
 You must understand that violence does not accomplish anything.  People do not learn or grow from it but sometimes to stop a situation you must do it.  If your finger becomes infected wouldn't you remove it to save your hand and your life?  There is no malice in removing it you just want life to continue.
 I am a skilled fighter but I abhor violence and I know that if I have to resort to fighting I have failed but I am willing to fail to protect my family and others.
 I hope this helps you.  Take care,
         Joe

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for that!  I appreciate the clarification.  I do however have another question for you.  In my reading I think I'm having a problem understanding how to deal with myself.  When I get upset about something, I have a tendency to say things that I don't really mean, or I am very harsh.  Do you have a way that helped you solve that problem.  Being harsh I mean?

Answer
Hi Kris,
 I must say you made me laugh when you asked, “ Do you have a way that helped you solve that problem.  Being harsh I mean?”  Do you just assume I was harsh or have you been talking to my friends and they told you I was harsh? Truth is, I was, which makes it even more amusing.  Harshness comes from several things but they all have one root; the ego.  To be harsh is to judge that your way is the right, best, most intelligent or only way.  It belies an impatience with the other person and a lack of compassion for whom they are.  I don’t think you say things you don’t mean I think you say things you feel.  Perhaps you don’t feel them about the moment but it is something you carry with you from the rest of your life.  If you are bubbling under due to some difficulties in your past you will bring that emotion to the present.  Then when someone does something that reminds you of it in the remotest way you bring that history into the moment and say what you say.  You are not dealing with the moment but you are a coiled spring reacting in the present with a motive from the past.  This is the common mental state of humanity, to dwell or to be anchored in the past and not to see where we are, here and now.  It’s this hanging on to your idea of whom you are that creates this.  If Kris was bullied in the past or treated with disrespect then Kris in the present is holding that position by thinking ‘this is really what is going on’ instead of seeing the moment.  I can give you a funny example of this.  I come from the city of additude (yes, spelled right), Philadelphia.  I was in Dallas years ago and a young woman walked up to a friend and me and said “So, how about you”?  Now in Philly saying ‘how about you’ might mean ‘what’s with you’, a bit of a challenge, in Dallas it means ‘hi, how are you’ or in Philly vernacular “yo, wassup’, just a nice greeting.   In my mind I was in Philly so I responded to her, “Me? So what’s with you”.  She was insulted and walked away, understandably so.  My friend with me doubled over laughing because he knew exactly what happened that I had totally misjudged the situation and was inappropriate for the moment.  I was not in Dallas, I was in Philly and therefore missed reality.  I was unintentionally harsh yet harsh all the while.   Had I, at the time, been able to be in the moment and not be attached to the historical concept of myself I would have seen but I did not. I had judged rather than seen what was going on.  Even without the words her attitude did not convey anything other than friendliness and I missed it.
    If you are blurting out things you don’t mean then where is your mind at that moment?  Are you actually living in the moment or hanging on to ‘who you are’ as a construct of your past, memories and desires?  When we have this idea of self we hang on to it,  we want to defend it.  We don’t live now, we live then and stand in the now holding this pretense.  Try to quiet your mind at all times and just pay attention without judgment or prejudice.  Stay purely alert to the moment and listen without concern for your position or ideals.  Observe as though you are not there to interpret, just see.  Stop seeing things as Kris and see them as a neutral observer, take your view out of it and just see it for what it is.  It’s difficult but rewarding.
 I hope this has helped you.  Take care,
        Joe