Expert: Bodhicitta - 9/11/2008

Question
Hi,I am interested in Buddhism and I always try to be compassionate to others and treat others how i would like to be treated but i am finding this very hard when it comes to my mother in law and sister in law. I have been with my partner for 8 years and we married last year. I have tried so hard to form a good relationship with them but it is very hard as they can be quite spiteful and mean. I will give you a few examples;
My mother in law made out she had cancer at a family party only to find out weeks later she was having a hysterectomy.
At my wedding my mother in law shouted to the guests that her son (My husband) was a drug dealer (which is untrue!)
She also announced herself and her husband were getting divorced, then later said this was only said to see what our reactions would be.
When i found out i may not be able to have children my sister in law was very cruel to me.
I do not know what is the best thing i can do? Do i continue to forgive and forget as i have done many times? They have said they never apologise for past actions but move on and forget it. Any advice would be gratefully received! Many thanks, I think you do a wonderful job at helping others. Best wishes : )

Answer
Hi Rachel
I am interested in your question. I must admit I decline to give
specific advice on matters like this as I feel I would really
need to understand the situation properly to give any advice.

I also wonder if a counselling type approach might be appropriate
if this situation is really out of control.

I would however like to share a few thoughts on Buddhism which
may help.

Buddhism is about working on your own situation, about awakening
to your own natural wisdom and compassion as you know.
The path is one of meditation and it is a slow path that
requires a good teacher and lots of time and patience. So if you
are interested in Buddhism you need to explore that at some point.

There is often confusion between Buddhist wisdom and pacifism or being a bit
of a rug that people can walk on. Buddhism has many stories of
great heroes who were awakened and often took extreme  action when
required. As the mind awakens our emotions arise up as compassionate
activity including anger.... Meditation is about openning up
to all our feelings, emotions and thoughts and seeing them in
their enlightened aspect.

Best wishes
Bodhicitta