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You are here: Experts > Homework Help > Buddhism > Buddhists > intrusive father
Buddhists - intrusive father
Expert: Stuart Resnick - 10/17/2009
Question
Hi there, I am wondering if there is a specific mudra or breathing exercise or meditation you can tell me of that will help me deal with a domineering intrusive father who keeps trying to control me. I would like to deal with this situation in a peaceful manner as often talking about it with him either keeps things the same or makes them worse so I am focusing now on working on myself from within so that my external reality changes. any help on this? thanks :)
Answer
A Buddhist practitioner has two jobs: inside and outside.
Your inside job is to keep clear. That means not-clinging to any thoughts. Thinking like "I want something" are the root of suffering, so just let them appear and disappear like clouds in the sky.
Watching your breath is a fine way to practice non-clinging. You can also try bringing up the big question, "What am I?" If you ask this strongly and sincerely, you'll find a powerful "don't know." Sitting with this "don't know" will help cut through thinking and maintain clarity.
Your outside job is to help other people. That means, whatever being happens to be in front of you in this very moment, inwardly ask how you can help him or her. Don't be attached to any specific idea about how to help; that will arise from the specific moment-to-moment situation. Just keep questioning yourself about how to treat others correctly, how to help them; then try to help the best you can.
So if/when you're with your father, examine for yourself how to help him, and try. It's important that you don't get attached to the results of your efforts. Success or failure doesn't matter, because in both cases, your job remains the same. Just keep trying, in each new moment.
The best way to help may sometimes be with kind and gentle words. Other times, it may be with harsh or angry words. Be open to any possibility. Put down I/my/me, do your best to help in this moment, then let it go and be ready for the next moment.
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