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About Justin Choo
Expertise
When in doubt seek it out. All your questions will be answered, and you may not have to agree with the answers. Such is the beauty of Buddhism. You are free to decide. I follow the Theravada tradition, and have been studying Buddhism for more than 40 years. Please view my profile for more details. I have answered more than a thousand questions since joining this category. You are welcome to try me.

Experience
I was brought up in the 50's as a Buddhist. For the past 30 years I have read numerous books on Buddhism and listened to numerous talks on Buddhism by well-respected and learned monks and lay teachers. I conduct Buddhist classes for parents of Sunday School children in a Theravada Buddhist Temple. My teacher was the late Chief Reverend, The Ven. K Sri Dhammananda of The Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can view the relevent website in memory of my revered late teacher @ http://www.ksridhammananda.com

Organizations
I am a life member of the Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.

Publications
YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT MY BLOG @ http://lifeislikethat999.blogspot.com/ Published a book called "The Rainbow And The Treasure". It is a compilation of extracts from various sources to introduce Buddhism to beginners. (Currently out of print)

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Commerce And Administration, Victoria University Of Wellington, NZ.(1974)

You are here: Experts > Homework Help > Buddhism > Buddhists > intrusive father

Buddhists - intrusive father

Expert: Justin Choo - 10/17/2009

Question
Hi there, I am wondering if there is a specific mudra or breathing exercise or meditation you can tell me of that will help me deal with a domineering intrusive father who keeps trying to control me. I would like to deal with this situation in a peaceful manner as often talking about it with him either keeps things the same or makes them worse so I am focusing now on working on myself from within so that my external reality changes. any help on this? thanks :)

Answer
Hi NG,

I don't think any "magic" breathing technique will solve your "problem". From what you described, your father reminds me of me; and you sound like my son! Most probably your "problem" is real. But then again, most father and son relationship is like that. We all become too sensitive and emotional simply because the father loves and cares for the son; but the son cannot understand or have the patience to listen or even tolerate the "intrution". Most of us approach the situation wrongly, mainly due to the prolonged status quo of not being able to resolve whatever advice or complaint between the two parties. As far as you are concerned, your father is such. And as far as your father is concerned, you are such! So who is right?

Your situation may be different. Your father may be really dominating. There is actually nothing much that you can do about it because he is stubborn, obnoxious and insensitive. Likewise there is also not much that the father can do about it if the son is also stubborn.

Here I am not pointing out who is at fault, but to share with you the real experience as a father facing the same "problem". Many "experts" will provide you with myriads of advices and techniques to "solve" your "problem". But let me be very frank with you, most likely all will never work, simply because we are dealing with entrenched human nature, which is very very difficult to change, if at all.

So where do we go from here?? Big question and a big problem! There is no specific answwer or advice that I would be able to give you. Maybe you have to consider your situation first; like your age, whether you are financially independent, your family culture and tradition which brings to question that your name sounds Chinese but the country stated in your mail seems "alien". Do you have your own family, I mean are you married with children? All these come into play in order to decide how to best approach your problem.

Hope this is a starter, and if you wish, you can come back with more information. If you don't wish your post to appear in "public" just check "yes" in the "private" box.

Take care,

Justin Choo

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