AboutJudy Expertise I am more interested in answering questions of practical uses of Buddhist teaching in daily life experiences, of self-improvement/growth, and of overall practices with full awareness meditation.
Experience Have searched spiritual path for long.
Have tried various Buddhist practices/methods.
Have practiced Buddhist teachings for 20 years
Education/Credentials BFA in Art. BA in Music
MA in Art
Question As a buddhist I am very good at never taking anything from someone without their consent. I have a hard time, however dealing with people who steal from me. Something trivial was taken from me at work and it really upsets me. Everyone has small personal items at their desk. I only had one flower and someone took it. How do I deal with this?
Answer Hi, DeeDee,
Thanks for your question.
I hear your pain. To tell you the truth, I had the same feelings as you do. I am a very honest, disciplined, and responsive person, so I could not tolerate others who are dishonest, lazy, and irresponsive. It did not matter if others were related to me or not; I always got so angry about the behaviors that were so opposite from mine. I was agitated all the time.
However, the more I have learned about the truth in life, human nature, Buddha nature, and most importantly MYSELF, the more I understand people in general. Thus, I have started having more tolerance. Life is so precious, and every human being who exists must possess some good qualities, to them rare or a great deal. We all have egos and are proud of the good qualities we have, which in turn make us more judgmental on misbehaviors or un-ideal qualities of others. Our goodness makes these un-ideal qualities of others even more pronounced. Once there is comparison, be it consciously or subconsciously, there is in-justification, which provokes our emotions.
As a long time Buddhist, I have kept studying and learning Buddhist teaching. I still had the thought and doubt “I don’t think that these people are going to be Buddhas; there is just no way,” when I saw the people with chaotic life style, nasty attitudes, vulgar speech, and evil behaviors. It was very hard for me to accept the concept of “everything I see and feel is a reflection or a projection of my own self.” How could it be? I mean those people were the total opposite of me; how could they be me! Later, I understand that this could not be taken literally. Everybody all has some sort of pitfalls or imperfections. When are emotionally aroused by the opposite qualities of others, we don’t think about others looking at us the same way. They would get angry at us or think less ideal of us for something we possess that’s the opposite of theirs. That’s why we people are ALWAYS finger pointing others.
It does not matter how noble, spiritual, or nice we are, we are never perfect to ourselves or others. If we have to compare, the comparison can never end. There is always something or someone better…. So what are we going to do? Comparison is not a solution. The solution is: stop comparison, try understanding human behaviors, learn about ourselves, and start looking inwardly at ourselves.
The entire human races never were and will never be as good as we want them to be or be the same as we think we are. Some people did not grow up with the awareness they should have, and that’s their life. It is none of our business to judge them how well they should be. Even if they should, they probably cannot be the way we want them to be. Even if they are aware of their problems, they probably cannot change themselves to be what they want themselves to be either. Have you wanted to change something about yourself? It is hard to change, isn’t it? Thus, if we expect others to be like us, then we ask too much, don’t’ we?
I used to think that I was a perfect, the nicest and kindest person. However, once I started probing into myself and practicing full-awareness meditation, I have found out that I am just the same as others. We all have some kinds of problems which we may or may not be aware of. I am not nobler than anyone else. Any noble men are not nobler than me either. We are all equals. We all have pitfalls and imperfections, so why was I fussing, judgmental, and angry about the things which are not ideal in MY EYES.
I want to self-cultivate, but it does not mean the whole world wants to self-cultivate with me too. How good I want myself to be is my own business, but I cannot expect others to do the same. If others would like to improve themselves, then we all share experiences give each other a little nudges to reminder each other the goals we are seeking. However, if others have no desires of improving, why do WE make OURSELVES angry for their not being like us? It does not matter if we would be angry to death, they would not change. Thus, why are we wasting our energy by being depressed, unhappy, or angry for nothing?
