Expert: Justin Choo - 11/29/2009

Question
My question is not the type of usual questions that I have seen on this site. If you wish, you can provide me an answer and choose to not publish this question. I had posted this question earlier here - http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/showthread.php?t=4501

I am reproducing the text with a little modification -

I had an affair 2 years back which involved an act of intercourse. Apart from this, in the heat of the moment and due to bad company unfortunately I engaged in sex with a call girl. In the company of the same person I again had sex with a call girl few months later. I was thinking I have already become impure so it does not matter. All this happened two years ago.

But after that, I realized that I am falling into a spiritual abyss and decided that I should refrain from any sexual acts until marriage. Note that both sexual acts with the call girls were protected and I am free from any disease.

Recently, my parents have found a girl for my marriage and I have told her about my pre-marital affair but not the episodes with the call girls.

There are three things which have been bothering me (to the extent that I have been thinking about it all day and night) -

1. Is it right for me to withhold the information about the episodes with the call girls?
2. How can I absolve myself from the bad karma I generated by having sex with the call girls?
3. Is it possible for me to walk the path of Buddhism now?

For last two years I had not realized the gravity of the situation I am in. But since I decided to get married, all this has had a profound impact on my psyche and personality. There was a point when I was unable to eat and sleep properly because of the feeling of guilt. I have been thinking a lot about destiny, karma and why I had a disposition to act in the way I did.

Answer
Hi Anonymous,

The first thing I checked after reading your message was to identify your nationality.  Now that I know , I shall try my best to give my comments as relevent to your culture as possible. It would greatly help if I knew your age.  Since you did not reveal, I am assuming that you are a handsome young man!

Please remember that the comments are purely my personal opinion and little to do with Buddhism.  At my age I have almost come full circle in life and I have "seen it all" as they said. Just treat my comments as "food for thoughts".  Then you can get on with your life, happily!

Here it goes.  If you were able to make a survey into people's secret sex lives, you would give yourself a pat on your own shoulder, and said to yourself, "I am not that bad after all!!"  Most of us have been "naughty" one time or the other.  The most important thing is that once you knew that you had done the wrong thing, you felt remorse and decided not to repeat in future.  For me, this is good enough.  In fact this is the only remedy left, for what you had done cannot be undone.  There is no point harping on the same thing in your mind.  You are just torturing yourself; and this is the price that you are paying for doing something foolish.

1. Is it right for me to withhold the information about the episodes with the call girls?
It is not a matter of right and wrong.  It is whether you want to live with a clear conscience the rest of your life.  If you do, then you should tell the truth.

2. How can I absolve myself from the bad karma I generated by having sex with the call girls?
You have already suffered enough.  As you said:
"There was a point when I was unable to eat and sleep properly because of the feeling of guilt."

3. Is it possible for me to walk the path of Buddhism now?
Of course it is possible for you to walk the path of Buddhism.  Buddhism is for everyone who wants to follow.  It is not for "goodies, goodies" and "saints" alone!  It is for people like you and me.

I hope you feel better now.

And I wish you a happy married life to come, with "everything" declared!!

Take care.

Justin Choo

(I did not go to your link because I didn't want the comments there, to influence my thoughts, and I might not be able to give you my honest comments.)