Expert: Joe McSorley - 11/9/2009

Question
Hey there Joe, I had the most lovely experience, return to reality, time of Bliss, gift of Forgiveness...realized  - ? Really, I had no idea what to call the incredible experience/time of Pure Love until I described many of the happenings (colors of the rainbow building from my base in what looked like a lead glass cylindrical vase that rose to my neck, staying there in a soft, sky blue for what seemed like a very long time until I started feeling a strange buzzing [much like the feeling of going under anesthetic] in my throat, ears and slowly... an  opening conical explosion of violet out my head! Which all lead to feeling no separation between anything in the universe and myself). There's more but that's the beginning of what was my first 'Oneness' blessing. A yogi friend of mine told me months later that it was called a kundalini shakti experience. I've begun reading on this subject and want to live that Love every day - I see/feel glimpses a lot but got a little cautious about opening like that again after reading that I was very luck to not have 'gone crazy' since. First, How does one go about finding a 'Safe' meditation teacher in the world? Hmm after typing this I think I may have the answer - a teacher will appear. Geesh! Second, you think hunting for one will help?
PS I have no real prayer/meditation training unless you count my selfless, humble grandmother. Thank you Baba!
Last How did you learn to meditate - if that's not too much of a paradox to explain in simple terms.
Deep thanks!! Bless you.  

Answer
Hello Jolene,
   Sorry, but I have to start with these caveats. Lately I’ve been starting a lot of my answers with this: I am not a teacher of meditation, and, what I refer to as meditation and what most people practice are generally two entirely different things.  The practice of meditation itself is a problem that must be overcome if you really seek awakening.  That which meditates is that which prevents awakening. Reality is never separate from you so you can't return to what you have not lost.
That having been said I will address your questions.
  The idea of kundalini shakti (coiled energy/power) is known throughout Eastern practices under different names.  The Chinese call it qi (formerly chi) and the Japanese call it ki.  The idea is to develop and channel this energy so that you can improve your health and awaken to the Tao or whatever name you choose to name that which cannot be named.  There are many stories warning of how you can go crazy under different practices and that you must be careful.  I imagine that there is some truth to this but I have never seen it after nearly 40 years of being involved in different practices.  I had a psychiatrist write me a few years back and he commented that a lot of troubled people who came to him were interested in Zen and Tibetan Buddhism.  It occurred to him that these practices might cause mental instability and wondered if I had seen this too.  I commented that I had noticed that there were sick people in all the hospitals I went to and wondered if hospitals caused sickness.  The idea being that troubled people come to religion like sick people come to a hospital.  If there is a problem caused by meditation it may be that some of the people who come to it already have problems and the meditation just exacerbates it.  I don’t know that you have anything to fear from this practice.
   Regarding your experience of bliss I would advise you that though this experiences are wonderful they are still illusory.  Since it appears you are used to the Indian paradigm for meditation I would like to present you some quotes from Ramana Maharishi’s book “Be as You Are” on his view of meditation:
 
“Sri Ramana discouraged his devotees from deliberately pursuing either visions or siddhis by pointing out that they were products of the mind which might impede rather than facilitate Self-realization. If visions came spontaneously he would sometimes admit that they were a sign of progress but he would usually add that they were only temporary experiences in the mind and that they were `below the plane of Self-realization'.
If siddbis appeared spontaneously he would outline the dangers of becoming attached to them, explain that such powers were more likely to inflate the ego than eliminate it, and emphasise that the desire for siddhis and the desire for Self-realization were mutually exclusive.”

And:

 “The final obstacle in meditation is ecstasy; you feel great bliss and happiness and want to stay in that ecstasy. Do not yield to it but pass on to the next stage which is great calm. The calm is higher than ecstasy and it merges into samadhi. Successful samadhi causes a waking sleep state to supervene. In that state you know that you are always consciousness, for consciousness is your nature. Actually, one is always in samadhi but one does not know it. To know it all one has to do is to remove the obstacles.”
These experiences themselves can lead you off the path of true awakening.  They appeal to the ego and therefore remove the impetus for overcoming it.  Here is another quote from the book dealing with exactly that issue:
 
“This important distinction is the key element which distinguishes self-enquiry from nearly all other spiritual practices and it explains why Sri Ramana consistently maintained that most other practices were ineffective. He often pointed out that traditional meditations and yoga practices necessitate the existence of a subject who meditates on an object and he would usually add that such a relationship sustained the `I'-thought (ego) instead of eliminating it* In his view such practices may effectively quieten the mind, and they may even produce blissful experiences, but they will never culminate in Self-realization because the `I'-thought is not being isolated and deprived of its identity.



`Do not meditate - be!
Do not think that you are - be!
Don't think about being - you are!`

Self-enquiry should not be regarded as a meditation practice that takes place at certain hours and in certain positions; it should continue throughout one's waking hours, irrespective of what one is doing.”
   *emphasis mine

My own personal experience with my teacher is similar to what Ramana says.  I had an amazing realization one day while working.  It was not a mental condition or physical feeling but a complete and seemingly total realization of the entire universe at once, clear and present.  I no longer existed as before and could experience the entire universe at once.  It’s impossible to explain in words but the nearest thing I thought fit it was moksha or liberation.  I was so elated I called my teacher after a day and told him about it.  Without hesitating he said, “not it, it will fade”.  I protested that he must not really understand what happened but he was insistent.  I was stubborn and hopped in my car and drove 3 ˝ hours to his house.  I knew that if I presented myself to him in person he would accept my realization.  Well, I entered his house and he said, “though this was a profound experience, it is not awakening, it will fade.  It might change you forever and is what many so-called masters have declared as awakening but it is not.”  I replied, “If this isn’t it I can’t imagine…” and before I could finish it he said firmly,”YOU can’t imagine it” and ushered me out the door.  Unfortunately time proved him right but it put me on the right path.  That which is experiencing oneness cannot be oneness for there is that which is experienced and that which experiences.  In other words, you cannot experience oneness because there’s a you that experiences it.  It is an illusion, though a very pleasant one.  All states of bliss, oneness or whatever are transitory. If they arise, let them go.  Clinging to them and seeking them will only inhibit your progress.
  As far as you seeking a teacher, of course you should do so but the only true teacher is yourself. As you seek the truth it seeks you.  Most so-called teachers have an agenda to sell one way or the other.  No one else can eat food and nourish you so no guru’s teaching can teach you deeply and transform you; it’s what you do with it that matters.  They can guide and chide you but only you can do the real work.  I would strongly suggest you read Ramana’s book.  I think it will help you.  
  I did not arrive at Eastern thought or Zen by way of any interest in these teachings or disciplines.  It’s the difference between someone who studies medicine out or interest or desire to help people and one who comes to it because they are sick.  When you are sick you have an entirely different motivation and focus.  I came to the East not to study it but to solve a problem that tortured and consumed me.  As a result I did not learn the way most people do with ritualized meditation and traditions.  My approach to my teacher was simply to ‘get the arrows out’.  It was from here that he pushed me along to inquire deeply as to the nature of myself and the problem.  I did learn the qi gong meditations and techniques in my decades of kung fu practice and I did learn traditional zazen but I came at them from the standpoint of the desperate and this drove me in a different manner than most people are driven.  As a result I had a different rapport with my teachers because they both understood and related to my dilemma.  I didn’t want to learn meditation; I wanted to solve a problem. They directed me to face the problem at all times and in all places so that my very life became the meditation, it was never a separate practice.  It is from this perspective that I see the idea of periodic meditation as too simplistic and not engaging enough.  If you are suffering you will engage in the practice of overcoming it at all times; it is not something you casually do.
  I hope this has helped you.  Take care,
          Joe