Expert: Justin Choo - 12/1/2009

Question
Hi, on my dad's 48th days after death night, my son (only 3 years old) ran into my late dad's room and he said "TQ" Buddha, Kuan Yi, and my grandpa (my dad) in mandarin tough all this while he doesnt speak any in this language. After that he blocked the room entrance and told all of us not to enter the room. The very next day, he woke up early in the morning (49th day), he told me, my dad has saw the lotus and will be leaving us, he will no longer be in the house. On the 50th day, he told us we must wear red because dad is in nirvana. He is happy and peaceful. Lately he was sick and he told me my mom and dad takes turn to return home to see him as a butterfly and was appeared in his dream. He told me my mom has practiced to be a buddha already, now this few days dad not back because now is his turn to go through the same process. No matter what, the space and time in nirvana is different so when we misses them they will visit us and calm us down tougtb they are in nirvana. They have both achieve their happiness nad peacefulness. dad 100 days is around the corner, sold us to buy him more god prayers cloth for him which are to be burn after the 100 days chanting by monk. My questions is shall I believe whatever my son told me and how true are this? Can they be buddha??? For my mom who passed away about 2 years now and my dad reaching his 100 days, what are the prayers I can do for them even I dont know how to chant besides "namoamitabha". Son even told me before 49th days dad told him he was not peaceful as he misses us but on his 49th days he finally told him he is peaceful. Am glad to hear this. But, heard people telling me if my mom and dad doesnt go for rebirth during 49th days then they have to go to Hungry ghost and with the help of King of hungry ghost tehy will take my child's life. All these made me stress up and depress. Of course am hoping my parents are both happy and peaceful and safe in nirvana. Is it possible for them to be in nirvana? Please advice me tough they have passed awayam still their daughter for life tough am married, so I really wants to do something for them even they are death, I believe that only their body left me and son but not their loves and memories. I knew they are watching us and whenever son not feeling well or I am so depressed, there will always be a butterflies fly in to our room from no where to accompany us.  Please guide us what are teh prayers we can do for them and please teach me as I dont know  to chant. Thank you very much. Appreciated your help. TQVM
p/s : son told me dad was angry because the monk told us must wait until 100 days only can do prayers, after son told me what happens on teh 49th days am so sad and until now cant forgive myself as i missed out his 49th days. are there ways to turn back or what can i do for him? Please hel[p I really want to undestand more about buddhism and would like to pass on to my beloved son and also help my deceased parents. TQ

Answer
Hi Karen,

I take it that you are a Chinese.  First I need to point out to you that most Chinese in Malaysia who call themselves Buddhists do not have a clue what Buddhism is all about.  They mistakenly regard a lot of their Chinese traditional beliefs to be Buddhism.  So if you are really interested to learn Buddhism, then you need to start from the very beginning.  You need to surf the net and to visit Buddhist temples to study Buddhism.  I don't know which town you are living.  But whichever place in Malaysia, it is not difficult to find the appropriate temple.  Please do let me know exctly where you are living, and I shall be able to locate the temples for you.  If you are in Penang, then I can invite you to attend my class at the Mahindarama Temple.  To surf the net, the best site to start off is  http://www.buddhanet.net

You mentioned about Nirvana.  Once you know what Nirvana is all about, you would be less confused.  When a person is in Nirvana, it means he is no longer in this world and would not be "appearing" here. From your description, there are a number of contradictory incidents.  If your father is in Nirvana, he would not have appeared as a butterfly.  Another thing, only humans can become Buddhas.  If your dad is in Nirvana, then he is already fully enlightened and need not have to be a Buddha anymore. Another thing about rebirth.  Rebirth takes place immediately after death.  Where ever your dad is now, that is his rebirth.  So your "hungry ghost" story is not true.

"with the help of King of hungry ghost they will take my child's life" :
Don't let these ignorant people scare you.  No such thing.  If your dad loves you and your son, why will he do such bad thing?  Anyway, this is just not true.

As for your son's behaviour, I really don't know how to comment.  Maybe just "child's talk".  Maybe you heard wrongly.  But never mind what he said.  You just need to do the right thing.  As for now, the appropriate approach is for you to visit a proper Buddhist temple and request the monk to do some blessings/chanting for your parents.

Burning joss papers and the lot is not Buddhist practice.  It is purely a Chinese practice passed down through the ages when our ancestors just did the best they knew.  Only when we learn the teachings of the Buddha, do we realize that burning things is not Buddhism.

"Please help I really want to understand more about Buddhism and would like to pass on to my beloved son and also help my deceased parents."
Send your son to a Buddhist Sunday School when he is bigger, say 5 years old.

Karen, this is just my general comment.  You may feel more confused after reading this.  This is because you don't have knowledge of what Buddhism is all about.  But don't panic.  Read through my comments a few times, then think about it.  After awhile, you may be able to come up with more questions.  Then come back to ask them, and I shall try to straighten the path for you.

In the meantime, stay calm.

You still can continue chanting "namoamitabha".

Take care.

Justin Choo