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Expert: - 4/14/2009


Question
Yesterday I decided for the second time that I didn't want to be friends with my ex. I keep going back and forth, back and forth: I want to be his friend-I don't want to be his friend. We have broken up about 2 months ago and he already has a girlfriend. I, myself I am just focusing on myself, really trying to find myself without a romantic relationship. It's going well. How can I move on? How do I move on in my heart and end the suffering of being confused about my feelings. I don't want to keep suffering. I don't want to keep hurting him, also. How do I move on?

Answer
Dear Andrea,

The main question you should ask yourself is: do you think continuing contact with your ex-boyfriend is in your best interests? From my experience, breaking up from a long term relationship is extremely traumatic and comes with a health warning - But presents a huge opportunity for reflection and growth. Space from your now ex-partner is absolutely necessary. At this point you are so sore and sensitive around this area that even a short phone call or seeing each other in passing could give rise to opening the floodgates as it were - this will all pass in good time.

The relationship is still in the process of dissolving - space, space, complete space is needed for this to happen or you will just cause yourself unnecessary suffering. Give it time.

Metta (Loving Kindess)
Shozen

http://www.knowbuddhism.info/2009/03/love-compassion-and-enlightenment.html

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James Chen Ball is the founder of the Buddhism IS Community Forum and Know Buddhism Blog. His primary focus is promoting Meditation practise through his websites and establishing an active Buddhist social community on the Internet. James' approach to Buddhism is intuitive and you will rarely find him referring to Sutras or similar ancient Buddhist texts but rather his words come from experience and a natural grasp of Buddhism. A long-time lay practitioner and student of Buddhism who has lived and studied as a lay monastic in all of the three major traditions of Buddhism (Theravada, Mahayana and Tibetan/Vajrayana) practicing alongside Bhikku's and studying under Monks such as Ajahn Sumedho and H.E Lopon Tenzin Jigme Rinpoche III. I am happy to receive any question you have on the vast topic of Buddhism and will endeavor to give you a clear and honest answer where possible.

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I am a long-time lay practitioner and student of Buddhism for over 14 years. I have lived as a lay monastic in many monasteries around the world studying and practicing alongside the Sangha.

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Buddhism IS Forum (http://buddhismis.com) Tzu Chi Foundation, Taiwan. Amaravati Monastery, UK.

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Founder of the Buddhism IS Community Forum http://www.buddhismis.com

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