Expert: Justin Choo - 4/30/2009

Question
Hello, I am a newly practicing Buddhist and tend to follow the Theravada tradition. There are so many wonderful aspects of Buddhism that in becoming a Buddhist, seemed to me like finally coming home after a long journey.  However, I am having trouble with one part: dealing with just plain mean, snobbish, rude, and indifferent people, more specifically, my co-workers.  These are people that I see everyday.  No matter how kind, hard-working, and helpful I am, certain people seem to resent this; to contunually try to get me in trouble by blowing events out of proportion; to ignore my efforts at kindness; to ignore me.  This is embarrassing to admit that these behaviors bother me, even after meditating on it at length.  But, I just can't let it go.  I can't find any advice on how to practically handle myself in these situations.  I've done a lot of reading; I know about kamma; I know that my mind is the only thing I can control-not the behaviors of others.  The Buddha said that life was suffering and suffering comes from attachment to desire.  But HOW does one specifically rid themselves of the desire to be liked?  What can I do?  How can I co-exist peacefully with these people?  I can't be a Buddhist and harbor resentment for these mean, awful people.  What do I need to do to be at peace in my mind?  How can I come face-to-face with these people everyday and not be reminded about all the horrible behaviors and attitudes they have piled upon me?  I certainly appreciate any advice you can give me.  Lily

Answer
Hi Lily,

What you are going through is what the Buddha termed "Dukkha", meaning "difficult to bear".  Please remember that this is the first Noble Truth which the Buddha expounded.  It is the nature of existence that all of us experience Dukkha in various forms and degrees.  Don't expect Dukkha to go away from you.  

Being a Buddhist doesn't mean one is able to solve all problems.  Being a Buddhist means one is able to understand life's challenges and try one's best to ride through the waves of despair and happiness by maintaining a balance of a certain degree of equanimity.  Human characteristics are very strongly ingrained and the very strong traits are most difficult to change.  This works both ways.  People with very strong wholesome characteristics are always very steadfast; while those with very evil tendencies are forever evil, no matter whatever skillful methods you may have to influence them.  Most of us will live through our inborn and ingrained characteristics without much change.  

Coming back to your question, just do your best as a good Buddhist.  There are many things in this world that we cannot influence, let alone change.   Of course, in the final analysis, if you can find another job, things "may" be different.

Hope this helps.  Take care.

Justin Choo.  


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http://sdhammika.blogspot.com/
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