Expert: Joe McSorley - 5/27/2009

Question
I am a mother of 2 children there father and I are divorced. Since I moved out
of state I get very little child support from there father and no insurance
coverage of my children, I am struggling with the decision to take him back
to court. My daughters teachers recently advised me that my daughter needs
private tutoring the cost of this tutoring per month is at least 400 dollars I
receive less than half of this amount for child support a month. I am torn on
the next step. I definitely believe in karma and wonder if I should just leave it
up to that.

I started practicing Buddhism about 2 years ago and try to do no harm to
others in word or deed. I worry that by taking my ex to court I will be
continuing suffering and stress but I do not feel it is "fair" the way it currently
is. Is the path of least resistance always the better way, or is it OK to fight for
what you believe is equitable?

Thank you for taking the time to read this question.

Respectfully,
Victoria Graves  

Answer
Dear Victoria,
   I am sorry for the predicament you are in and the pain it is causing you.  There are many ways to interpret Buddhism and its tenants and there is some conflict between different schools of thought.  The idea of doing no harm on the surface seems straightforward and clear but if you really look at it deeply it becomes complicated.  Religious like to tell stories about how compassion works and there is a classic story of a fellow that robs a temple/church and his caught by the priest as he leaves with gold candlesticks.  The priest, rather than apprehending him, hands him two more and lets him go.  It seems the path of least resistance and compassionate but is it?  Suppose now that thief goes to another place and while robbing it kills or rapes someone, was it compassionate to allow this person to lead this life when it could have been stopped?  Is it compassionate to allow this person to be in their ignorant thief mind or to the next victim to let them go?  It is never so easy as ‘doing no harm’.  Nature does harm all the time, however, it does not do intentional harm, that is, harm for the sake of harming.  I cannot walk across my yard without killing countless creatures underfoot and at the same time a deer cannot walk across it without doing the same thing.  Are we doing harm, yes, but do we mean to, no.  Creatures in nature defend their lives and offspring and it is right and natural while humans do not follow what is right and natural and best for themselves.  It is nice to have these ideal thoughts of compassion but sometimes the compassionate way is not painless.  Sometimes you have to cut off a finger to save your hand.
   When you speak of karma and you believing in it I don’t know exactly what you mean.  There are many versions of karma but I think the most basic idea of it is simply cause and effect without the spiritual implications.  If you want to apply it to your case then what is the karma of not having health insurance or having your child properly schooled?  Do you accrue bad karma for not pursuing their best interests as best you can? Perhaps by the path of least resistance you are creating a dire situation for your children.  Again, these things are never simple.  Your husband might say that you are creating bad karma for him because he is not happy about it, it effects him negatively.  You see, it can always be interpreted in a self-serving manner.  So when Buddhist teachers put forth these ideals they do not exist in a vacuum.  Complacency in the world in regards to crime and corruption would cause a complete collapse of society as we know it.  Complacency in raising your children might also be harmful.  Nature moves towards what is beneficial, it does no avoid it.
   You, as a good mother, have responsibilities to your children and what you do is for their health and benefit and not selfish goals.  In pursuing those goals in a rational and compassionate matter you are not doing harm but trying to establish what is good and right.  You should have no fear of any spiritual negative consequences for this.
 I hope this helps you.  Take care,
           Joe