AboutStuart Resnick Expertise I'm a long-time practitioner in a Korean-style Zen school. I can answer questions regarding Zen, formal sitting meditation, self-inquiry, the practice of "koan" transmission, and offer the particular perspective of this school on the great life questions.
Experience 18 years of formal practice with the Kwan Um School of Zen, currently with the Empty Gate Zen Center of Berkeley, currently a "Senior Dharma Teacher" at this center, I give periodic talks and informally answer questions of students interested in Zen practice and teaching style
Question Hello, I have come across a problem in my meditation, and I was wondering if
you would have any advice.
In short, I had been breath-meditating for about three months, when one day
after a while of meditating I went into a very peaceful state. It took me a while
to figure out what was different about it (afterwards), but after a day or so I
realized that it was because all other external senses had vanished. I of
course heard things, and felt things, but I did not *register* them. So you
could say that this was a complete one-pointedness on the breath.
I read a bit about it, and it seems to me from various sources that this is the
first step into reaching into the Jhanas. Now, the problem is that it has been
nearly three months since this occurred, and I have had no success in
reaching that state again. I do not know why... it seems almost like I have
taken three steps forwards and two steps back. I usually meditate about half
an hour at a time, twice a day, but I can only really keep my mind off of
thoughts for maybe half of that time, and often in sporadic periods. I will be
silent for maybe five minutes, then a thought will occur without me noticing
and I will forget that I am meditating. Five minutes later I will realize this has
happened, and I will return to my breathing.
On "good days" I can stay on the breath for quite some time - just this
morning my mind was completely silent for nearly fifteen-twenty minutes
straight (out of a half-hour period). But for some reason, even in that silent
state, I cannot reach the state where I am completely absorbed. I am always
aware of a few other things as well, and I still feel restless.
Have you had experience with any of this, and would you have any advice? I
think the problem is that I keep trying to reach this state, and in trying I am
distracting myself and as such not allowing myself to concentrate. But I do
not know for sure...
Thank you for your time,
Howard
Answer What you describe is "get something" meditation. When you meditate, you're holding ideas about getting one-pointedness, peacefulness, etc. When you meditate like this, there will always be difficulties. Sometimes, you won't get what you want, and even when you do get it, it will be temporary.
I'd suggest that you put down this wanting, and instead meditate with a big question. What are you? (Who is it that wants to get one-pointedness etc? Why?) If you question strongly and sincerely, a big "Don't Know" will appear. Then you can sit with that Don't Know.
Let all thoughts appear and disappear like clouds in the sky. When you sit, if some type of "get something" thinking appears ("I want to be one-pointed. I want to get higher levels. Why am I not more peaceful?"), just allow the thinking to appear and disappear. Always return to a clear, simple, before-thinking mind. It's like a clear mirror. When white appears, the mirror is white. Red appears, only red.
