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Buddhists/craving in a long distance relationship

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Expert: - 6/13/2009


Question
dear sir,

i practice Vipasanna meditation, in the Goenka tradition and have taken a few 10day courses.  the training is to observe equanimously, the arising and passing of sensation, with the understanding that it is anicca/important.

i am in a loving long distance relationship and i really have a problem when craving/missing my partner arises.  i cannot keep equanimous when the sensations arise, and i want to end the relationship because of this.  it sounds so crazy because i feel there is real love for the person, but i can't handle the "missing" him part.  what would the Buddha say, how to handle this?  i know that i would still love him if we were not "in a relationship"... it would be more of metta, than the romantic context that "in a relationship" implies.

Answer
Hi Bela,

I assume that you are living a normal worldly life.  Then you should lead your life in a worldly manner.  Being in love is a very normal experience.  Unless you are very advanced in the practice of Buddhist meditation, you should not go to extreme to cut off natural human relationships.

For the average person, Buddhist meditation is just a training to calm the mind and to be more mindful.  We should not go to extreme trying to "cut off" every feeling.

Take care.

Justin Choo

Buddhists

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Justin Choo

Expertise

When in doubt seek it out. All your questions will be answered, and you may not have to agree with the answers. Such is the beauty of Buddhism. You are free to decide. I follow the Theravada tradition, and have been studying Buddhism for more than 40 years. Please view my profile for more details. I have answered more than 1500 questions since joining this category. You may like to give me the honor to answer your question.

Experience

I was brought up in the 50's as a Buddhist. For the past 40 years I have read numerous books on Buddhism and listened to numerous talks on Buddhism by well-respected and learned monks and lay teachers. I conduct Buddhist classes for parents of Sunday School children in a Theravada Buddhist Temple. My teacher was the late Chief Reverend, The Ven. K Sri Dhammananda of The Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can view the relevent website in memory of my revered late teacher @ http://www.ksridhammananda.com

Organizations
I am a life member of the Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.

Publications
YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT MY BLOG @ http://lifeislikethat999.blogspot.com/ Published a book called "The Rainbow And The Treasure". It is a compilation of extracts from various sources to introduce Buddhism to beginners. (Currently out of print)

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Commerce And Administration, Victoria University Of Wellington, NZ.(1974)

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