AboutJustin Choo Expertise When in doubt seek it out. All your questions will be answered, and you may not have to agree with the answers. Such is the beauty of Buddhism. You are free to decide. I follow the Theravada tradition, and have been studying Buddhism for more than 40 years. Please view my profile for more details. I have answered more than a thousand questions since joining this category. You are welcome to try me.
Experience I was brought up in the 50's as a Buddhist. For the past 30 years I have read numerous books on Buddhism and listened to numerous talks on Buddhism by well-respected and learned monks and lay teachers. I conduct Buddhist classes for parents of Sunday School children in a Theravada Buddhist Temple.
My teacher was the late Chief Reverend, The Ven. K Sri Dhammananda of The Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can view the relevent website in memory of my revered late teacher @
http://www.ksridhammananda.com
Organizations I am a life member of the Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.
Publications YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT MY BLOG @
http://lifeislikethat999.blogspot.com/
Published a book called "The Rainbow And The Treasure". It is a compilation of extracts from various sources to introduce Buddhism to beginners. (Currently out of print)
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Commerce And Administration, Victoria University Of Wellington, NZ.(1974)
Question Greetings. I am 50 years old, and have been a practicing
Buddhist with a waning waxing practice for the last 10
years. I find myself in circumstances beyond my ability to
see through.
My parents are ageing and I made a commitment to be there to
help them grow old with as much dignity as possible. My
father is losing it mentally, having halucinations and getting paranoid. He is in a home and is being taken care of
to the best of this worlds ability. My mother is living
alone for the first time in her life and is finding it
difficult. She refuses to take care of herself, is addicted
to my fathers care - it goes beyond what is expected, normal
or needed. She embraces suffering and will not do anything
to help herself, even though I try to bring light to her
life with a positive attitude, whatever little wisdom I have
gathered, and am always there to support her.
I live with my older sister. The arrangement works well on
a lot of levels. My sister is totally supportive of me - is
generous to a fault and my sister is an alcoholic. I try to
support her in many ways - pleaded with her to get
treatment, begged her to see how beautiful our lives really
are - and again, am there to support her in any way needed -
but I cannot support her drinking.
I am being buried. I feel like my commitment is a weight
around my neck, pulling me down in water and drowning me. I
am surrounded in suffering (aren't we all) and watching my
loved sister destroy herself with alcohol is making me want
to run away, join a Buddhist community and meditate in peace
until death do us part.
Our obstacles are our greatest tool for learning - but I am
unable to see this right now. I just feel buried by
responsibility, negativity and stress.
A critical juncture is coming. My ability to stay positive
is being eroded. I myself am being drawn into the
lifeisstress attitude. And a change is coming.
I do not take commitment lightly. To leave my loved ones in
such a state of disrepair is loathsome to me. And yet, to
stay is damaging, difficult and to be honest dangerous.
Often in my past, when faced standing at the crossroads, and
a decision pending - I have had a habit of picking a
direction rashly, going there and damn the consequences.
I NEED to do the right thing - but what is that? What about
commitment? What do you do when the people who you care for
the most only understand suffering and are unable to embrace
life as it is with joy and pleasure?
What would the Buddha say to me if we could sit and have a
nice chat?
Answer Hi Mike Kay,
"What would the Buddha say to me if we could sit and have a
nice chat?"
I wouldn't know what the Buddha would say to you.
Now let us take a look at your present situation which can be taken as 3 issues:
"My parents are ageing and I made a commitment to be there to
help them grow old with as much dignity as possible."
" My mother is living alone for the first time in her life and is finding it difficult.... and am always there to support her."
"I live with my older sister. The arrangement works well on
a lot of levels. My sister is totally supportive of me - is
generous to a fault and my sister is an alcoholic."
From the above descriptions, you are doing well as a caring son and brother. If you have the commitment to stay on, then you have done your best.
"A critical juncture is coming. My ability to stay positive
is being eroded. I myself am being drawn into the
lifeisstress attitude. And a change is coming."
There is nothing "positive" about your current situation, so you need not have to stay "positive". You just need to stay realistic about your present situation. As a Buddhist it is utmost important to realize the reality of the actual situation and accept that which cannot be changed (at least for the moment). Having that "reality mindset" we try to live through this difficult period of our lives. In the meantime, we just try to do our best to help our people who need our help.
