AboutJoe McSorley Expertise I can answer questions dealing with Taoist philosophy and Zen and not the historicity and religion of Buddhism and its different schools. I studied under Dr. Richard DeMartino and Masao Abe of the Kyoto School of Zen.
Question I have read some articles from Zen teachers critisizing our understanding of mindfulness. Particularly, for example, this statement:
"We should always try to be active coming out of samadhi. For this, we have to forget things like "I should be mindful of this or that". If you are mindful, you are already creating a separation ("I - am - mindful - of - ...."). Don't be mindful, please! When you walk, just walk. Let the walk walk. Let the talk talk (Dogen Zenji says: "When we open our mouths, it is filled with Dharma"). Let the eating eat, the sitting sit, the work work. Let sleep sleep."
I do not quite understand what it means. Does this mean that we should not consciously *try* to be mindful, that we should not think, upon realizing that we have been obsessing over some thought or other, "I should be mindful now"? If you shouldn't consciously try to be mindful during the day, then how will we learn to be mindful? It is my understanding that the ultimate goal of mindfulness is to learn to always be aware of the present moment - to reside in the now instead of in our minds. But how can we do this, say, 'without effort'?
This ties in with some other things that I have been doing - during the day, I try to be mindful. When I am biking somewhere, I try to be aware of biking. When I am sitting, I try to be aware of sitting. But this tends, over time, to get very frustrating - I am not always mindful, and when I realize that I have been thinking, I tend to get worried over it. It has become a sort of obsessive habit - quite contrary to the purpose of Minduflness.
Could you help me understand this...? Thank you.
Answer
Dear Nicholaas,
I know that this is particularly difficult to understand. When Masao Abe first went to the monastery after giving up his secular life he saw this written over the gate, “To seek enlightenment is itself, hell creating karma”. He said this threw him into despair. To put in your situation, “To seek mindfulness itself negates mindfulness”. You could easily say that any Zen practice itself negates Zen. As you try to be mindful you are not being mindful. To do something, anything, is to posit your self. This simply means that you take a position. So you posit or position yourself to be mindful. By taking this position you therefore stand apart from mindfulness and are thus, not mindful. So there is a dilemma that is created; if you do it you ruin it and if you don’t do it, you achieve nothing so what can you do? Let me try to straighten this out with an analogy.
You ride your bike. When you started riding your bike you had to be conscious/mindful of everything you did or you would fall off or run into something. It was probably a bit harrowing and frustrating trying to shift gears, steer and be aware of traffic. Over time you consciously strived to become integrated into the riding of the bike. Things that were once difficult become second nature; they blend into your consciousness. You are no longer ‘doing them’ but being them, now when you ride shifting, steering and pedaling are second nature. Think about that; second nature, they have become what is natural and not what is contrived. When you become conscious of these things you tend to mess up. If you have to think “ I am pedaling” or “I am leaning to steer” you will not do them well. You had to go through the practice of it to lose the practice of it. You are unconscious now of leaning into a turn or shifting or pedaling. You are just doing them. When you started you were very conscious of it but now you have lost the dichotomy or split between what you are doing and the doer, you, the one who is aware of it. There is no longer any bike or rider, just the riding.
If you practice mindfulness and want to be aware of mindfulness you create the dilemma. You have to become mindfulness, not someone who is practicing it. To sit and say “ I am mindful” is in fact, not to be mindful, but like learning the bike, eventually the practice will overcome the self and you will mindful without being aware of it as you ride being unaware of it. The dilemma becomes a living, working contradiction or a paradox. You are doing without doing it. You cannot do this practice with any anticipation. To anticipate results is to ruin your practice. You must commit to it fully and forget about yourself. Years ago I exclaimed to my teacher “how will I know I am enlightened” and he shouted back “your wanting to know is what stops you from being awakened”! The knowing is the conscious separation of self to know what it is doing whether it be bike riding or mindfulness.
Another way to look at this would be to just pay attention, period. Not as yourself or anything, just pay attention, without thought, judgment or discrimination. At all times forget yourself and pay attention. This is mindfulness in activity. If this takes root it becomes you and then overcomes you. You will have no idea you are doing it and that’s when it’s real. Think of this; did you ever run into someone in a store or some place and you said to yourself “I know this person” but could not figure out where or how. There is nothing to grasp onto other than “ I know them”. You think and think but nothing. You think about it so much it becomes you, integrated into your very being and now you are no longer aware you are thinking about it. Thinking about it produced no result and not thinking about it produces no result. Now it is in you completely, you have no anticipation and you don’t even know you’ve become it. Suddenly three days later out of nowhere you say “Suzy from the bank”! It became resolved beyond cognition and ‘knowing’. Mindfulness must be practiced till it is lost this way, it becomes you and you are the living paradox. It is not knowable or known and yet is somehow both. You can only achieve this through great determination but it is real and doable. So stop worrying about it and let it become you. Practice without anticipation.
I hope this has helped you. Write back if you need more clarification.
Joe
