Expert: Justin Choo - 12/5/2010

Question
QUESTION: Dear Justin,
I'm new to this site and have found your answers helpful so here is my question. It's complicated and confusing me so I hope this comes out in a way that makes sense to you.

I was caught in a storm earlier this week and ended up losing control of my car (hydroplaned) which nearly sent me over the edge of a cliff and would have been most assuredly to my death had my car not righted itself. I am confused by my reaction to this event in that I was so at peace when I lost control of the car..it was like a ton had been lifted off of me. To be honest if I could have stood on the shoulder of the road and watched the car go over containing all my attachments, burst into flames, turn to dust and blow away I would be really ok with it. The question is who is speaking in that last sentence? Is it ego trying to kill off ego? If the attachments, aversions and delusions die off the True Self is left but I can't imagine the True Self standing on the shoulder of the road rejoicing in the death of the ego.

I don't know who I am or where I'm at in my practice. I've been meditating and studying Buddhism on my own for six years and feel lost...like I've hit a wall. I don't know how to sit with the question I posed above. Does this make sense to you and do you have any suggestions at to how to work with it?

Thank you,
Jen


ANSWER: Hi Jen,

"Does this make sense to you and do you have any suggestions as to how to work with it?"

I'm afraid this doesn't make sense to me.  I honestly don't understand.  So I can't comment.

Suggestions?  Perhaps.  Six years is quite a long time to study Buddhism.  However you are doing it alone, which I take it that you don't communicate with any like minded person.  I would say to start learning anything, it would help if you have friends who are knowledgeable and who can share their experiences and knowledge with you. After you have acquired the necessary skills, then you can go on alone.  Perhaps you may like to seek out avenues that pave the way for you to associate with fellow Buddhists.  Failing which you may like to surf the net to communicate with fellow Buddhists and to gain further exposure in the global Buddhist communities.  The first link may be to go to this "Mother" of all Buddhist sites:  

http://buddhanet.net/

Hope this helps.

Take care.

If you require more information, please come back.

Justin Choo

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Maybe this will make more sense.

I sit...and when I sit all of the run of the mill attachments, aversions etc arise and there are times when I will get caught up in hating them. Instead of just observing and letting them go I get hooked and become miserable for a time. During this time I am fully aware that I'm hooked but the energy pulls me out of the moment and well...life sucks when that happens. So when I was hydroplaning I realized that I wanted the attachment to the misery to crash and burn.

Anyway, I'm feeling better now...less contracted more open. There are times when I struggle with my sitting and what comes up, like most people. There are other times when it's even more intense and I have to let the bull run til it exhausts itself...after that I can rest.

Thanks for listening Mr. Choo

Jen


Answer
Hi Jen,

Sounds like you are sharing your thoughts, and not asking me question.  I am happy to listen; whenever you feel like it, you are welcome to visit me here.

As there is no question, I shall take leave.

Take care.

Smile from Justin Choo :)