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I've stumbled across a bit of a problem - you see, I'm not quite sure what I should be looking for when I'm meditating. That is, I can focus on my breath, but it seems like my practice is... *static*. When I do manage to quiet the mind and focus on my breaths, I get to a point where I just go "now what?" I don't really think I'm ready yet for a koan, and at any rate there aren't any nearby teachers that I could have help me. What exactly should I do? I am currently counting breaths, but I'm not quite sure what I should do from there. Should I simply observe what I see? Should I try looking for a self?
Thanks!
Nicolaas
Hello Nicolaas,
When you first asked me about meditating I told you that I am not a meditation teacher and I do not teach meditation. I find meditation without the proper understanding of exactly why you are meditating is useless and for this reason I do not promote it. I can tell you nothing about the nuances of technique or anything else. There are people who spend their lives on these matters but I am not one of them. You need to talk to one of them about these questions.
The question for me is, why are you meditating? Why do you feel the need? You are anticipating something when you practice and want change but what is it you want to change, what about who you are can change? So long as you are trying to add to yourself without knowing who that is you will be running in circles. There is nothing easy or simple about this and it takes a lot of perseverance. When Hui Ka came to Bodhidharma he was not told to meditate. Bodhi told him the road was long and hard and when Hui Ka pressed him for an answer he essentially said, “present who it is to me that suffers and I will pacify it”. It is the same for all of us; ever inquire into who it is that sees, eats, observes, suffers and lives and has the concept of “I am Nicolaas”. You can't escape this, it will always be the root of it. If this practice takes hold it will bear great fruit.
Take care,
Joe
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| Comment | Yes, I've thought about just that, but I still think that meditation helps. I see it as more of a form of self-inquiry itself. While it is of course true that I'm expecting results when I meditate ^_^, I try not to do it that way (and in that sense of not looking for progress I suppose I'm making progress - haha, going in circles, just as you said ^_^). What you said to me earlier this year really made sense - we shouldn't be meditating to change ourselves but to inquire into ourselves. When focusing on the on the breath, I try to be 'self aware' as it were, looking for whoever it is that is breathing. I just think that looking into the mind and the self is usually easier when the mind is stilled. Thanks again! | ||
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Joe McSorley
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I can answer questions dealing with Taoist philosophy and Zen and not the historicity and religion of Buddhism and its different schools. I studied under Dr. Richard DeMartino and Masao Abe of the Kyoto School of Zen.
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