Expert: Justin Choo - 4/18/2010

Question
Please give me some advise.  My daughter is 36, married, drinks often, cheats on her husband with many men and goes out and leaves children at home alone.  Her son is 9 and her daughter is 13 and has down syndrome.  The father works as a bouncer at night, so if she is out partying, he will just go to work, and no one is with the kids.  I usually go over if I know the kids are alone and stay until she gets home, but the encounters are getting explosive.  I am very worried about the damage to the kids.  Please give me some advise.  Thank you!

Answer
Hi Lori,

My heart sinks for you. I can empathize with you, for I have to take full care of my 5-year old grand daughter.  Her mother, my adopted daughter chooses to live away.  My daughter's life is better left unsaid.  

Your daughter is 36, and there is nothing much that you can do.  I am sure you have tried your best to bring her up with all the correct guidance.  So did I for my daughter.  The reality of the situation is that some people are "very difficult," causing grave stress to loved ones.  This is life.  Some are luckier than others; while many are worse off than us.  I have to accept situations that I have no more power to influence, let alone change.  

It is not easy to give "effective and beneficial" advice.  There may be other factors that you have not mentioned.  Maybe you may consider the following options:

: take full care of the children
: report to welfare department (or equivalent in your country)
: discuss with the father
: spend more time with the children
: seek professional advise/help in your area

I am really sorry that I am unable to advise you.  

In the meantime, please take good care of the children the best you can.  They really need your love.

I am sorry.

Justin Choo