Expert: Judy - 4/24/2010

Question
I am plagued by kleshas relating to past abuse ( physical, verbal )in family situation...I read Darma books, I try to focus on breathing meditation with only very small success. I have flashbacks every time  that I eat due to being struck in the head at the dinner table so many times during my formative years. There is no point in discussing any of this with any of my family.
Is there anything you can tell me that might be of help ?

Answer
Daniel,

I apologize for not answering your question sooner, but I just found out now that I missed it.

We are all having problems with what's in the past and what will be in the future in our heads.  That's why we cannot enjoy what we are doing at the moment or see the true nature of living moment by moment.  We are loaded with thoughts, no matter how much we want to control our minds.  No matter what you do, it always takes practice and time to see results.

However, the very direct way to do it is through practicing MINDFULNESS.  How to be mindful?  You have to "observe" yourself at each moment.  Watch everything you do, every body movement, every thought comes to your mind, just be a third person watching yourself as if you watching yourself in a movie.  This way, you are an observer.  Your job is to watch but not get involved in yourself.  While you are doing this, there is no past or future binding you, but only the present moment.  You are actually living at the moment, instead of being bothered by all your thoughts.

When you are eating, pay attention to how your hand and fingers hold the fork and knife, feel the tension when your arm moves in and out to push the hand and deliver the food to your mouth.  Taste the food.  I mean, really taste it, chew it with attention.  Feel the food being swallowed.  Each little action and movement needs to be paid attention to.  Our minds like to sneak in any time you are not paying attention to something.  That's why you get all the flashes in your head while eating.  This works not only while eating but also while driving, walking, doing chores.  Thus, everything you do, you need to pay attention to each movement.  That's how you can be free from all the kleshas.  Of course, it is hard at the beginning, but you will only get better at it through practices.  Also, you would notice that once you practice mindfulness, how much you have not paid attention in your life.  We have let things fly through us, but we even are not noticing it.

Try it while you are eating.  Then, once you are pretty good at it, practice on the things you usually do.  Then, expand.  Then, everyday for you is easy and thoughts free.  Again, this takes practice and time to achieve.