Expert: Justin Choo - 5/7/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi i was wondering if you could give me some info. My mom says she's buddhist but i belive shes completely off on the concept. She almost worships buhda, and just meditate to what she calls "the king". It looks more like a india hindu statue. She's seems very unhappy with her life and it spreads to my dad and i'm consered. I want to help her become happy and i was wondering if i could use buddhism to help her. I belive that our earth will help heal us, so i'm not sure if thats along the same line. I want to help her be happier and my dad. What can you suggest i do. i think if she has a better perspective on buddism it might help.

ANSWER: Hi Stacy,

From the little information you gave, I shall try my best to share my views with you.

There is one important aspect which you may like to take note.  Your cultural background.  An Asian culture is very much different from a Western culture.  And the approach may differ.

Here are my personal views:

1. In order to know whether she is actually practising Buddhism, you yourself need to know about Buddhism.  A quick reference is to read this booklet by one of my teachers :
http://www.goodquestiongoodanswer.net/

2. I do not know your age.  I shall assume that you are a young lady living with your family.  As a father and grandfather myself; I know what will make me very happy.  So I assume that it will be similar with all the mothers and fathers everywhere.  If you are a responsible and well-behaved lady, then you are on the right track.  Give all your love and care for your mother, as best you can.  Of course some parents would never be satisfied with whatever their children have achieved.  That would be over-bearing; too bad.  I assume your mother is a reasonable mother, and would be happy seeing you growing up responsibly.  This sounds very "Asian values!"  Well, I am Asian.  But I think good values are universal values.

3. Try to find out what is making her unhappy, and then try to resolve that.  Maybe she is using the wrong method trying to overcome her problem and unhappiness.

4. As for you to intrude into her "spiritual" belief, it may be too sensitive for her.  Once you get to know what Buddhism actually is, you may tactfully and slowly share your knowledge with her.


Hope this helps.

Take care.

Justin Choo

 

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well i'm 24 from canada (white) and i own my own home. I'm also very close to my family. My mother belief mean alot to me and the only reson i dont follow buddhism is because i dont think i can fully comitte to it. I do belive every living thing has the right to live just like we do. so i dont kill even a fly cause his life is just as important to him and mine is to me. I know some about the religon and i belive its beautiful. So what my mom belive is important cause she finds it important to her. So i am trying to learn more about it.  My mom has been nothing but a dedicated mother to me and my younger brother even too much at times. She seems to be consumed but unhappiness and i'm trying to figure where its coming from so i can help her. I've tryed different routes to help her but i think i need to get into her mind and her world more to help. I just want to see my mother happy. I think buddhism is about helping others before yourself, but i'm not 100% just yet. My mom always wants me to sit a meditate with her so i know she wants me to be apart of it and i'm open to it. If she wasn't open i wouldn't intrude in this aspect of her life. I want to learn more so maybe i can help her. could you recomend a book i can get and read and maybe share with her?

Answer
Hi Stacy,

Happy to know that you come from a very loving family.  Half your "problem" is solved, because there is love in the family.  The best way to know your mother better is to support the things that she likes to do.  From there you can discuss about the things that she is interested in.  This way it will "open" her thoughts and hopefully you get to make her happy again.

I have recommended the book for you already.  This is the link:
http://www.goodquestiongoodanswer.net/


I am sure you will succeed in whatever you do.

Take care.

Justin choo