Expert: Alex Wilding - 6/27/2010

Question
Hi. My eldest son took his own life five years ago May 9/05. He was clearly distraught about several things and had been trying to overcome these issues for a long time, and tried working through the painful experiences just to get hit by more.
My question is this. Is there some specific prayer or chant I could say or put out so to speak to help him get to a better place now? I am newly interested in Buddhism and I have a cousin who has been studying it for years. He told me it would not be good for my son to be stuck here or anywhere else. He should have moved on a long time ago. I told my cousin that I felt he was still here with me on some level, but now I hope those feelings are just my own thoughts and not true. Please help.

Answer
Hi Cheryl,
Well that is a tough one, but you don't need me to tell you that.

One of the most popular things used, at least in Tibetan Buddhism, as a "prayer", is the mantra of Chenrezi, and which therefore, so to speak, represents the sound of compassion. In fact this mantra can also be used for quite complicated, "advanced" practice, but it is widely used by all sorts of people as a way of focusing and directing compassionate thoughts. It can be written as "Om Mani Peme Hum", which is not really how it is spelt but is a little closer to the pronunciation that has been used for so many centuries. The very last "..m" is supposed to be sounded as a slightly nasal resonance that fades away. If you look around on the net you will find pictures, recordings, explanations and so on. Of course, anything you find on the net should be taken with a pinch of salt, but you might find it helpful. You can recite this any number of times, typically in "rounds" of 108, and try to focus gentle, kind and compassionate thoughts on your son.

Whether or not your son is actually "stuck" is of course impossible to say for definite. Perhaps your feelings are right, perhaps they are in your own mind. If you look around for an "expert" to answer that for you, some will tell you that he is and some will tell you that he isn't; all you can do is your best to send good wishes and good energy to him, wherever he is, and to all other beings who might perhaps be "stuck", whoever they are.

I do hope that helps a bit.