Expert: Justin Choo - 6/10/2010

Question
I am very depressed, I can't sleep.  My husband just had CT scan and saw a growth around his kidney and partly on spleen and pancreas.  We're to get another opinion from oncologist and I pray that it's not as bad as we think because original prognosis came fr surgeon (am I kidding myself?).

I know nothing about kidney cancer and am thinking the worst.  I am reliving the moments like when I first lost my daughter in an accident - the numbness, the difficulting in breathing, the feeling of sleepiness because my mind is already so tired
but cannot sleep because of this constant fear and worry.  Am I making sense?

Why have I had so many hard knocks in my life?  I began studying buddhism more indepth after my daughter's death and yet right now it seems to have flown out of the window.

Will sign off now.  Will try to read up on kidney cancer on the internet until I get really sleepy.  Bye.

Answer
Hi Crescent Mei,

Sure you are making sense.  When my son did not return home passed 4 in the morning, I too couldn't sleep.  Let us not try to kid ourselves that there are ready answers to solve all real-life problems.  I don't have them.  Even the Buddha could not provide solutions to solve immediate life problems.  The Buddha provided us answers to the cause of our problems.  He provided us answers for the ultimate release from these problems.  But right now we have to take care of our immediate problems ourselves.

"Why have I had so many hard knocks in my life?"  You are not the only one asking such questions.  Millions in this world right at this moment are asking such question.  I too sometimes asked this question.  In the Buddhist perspective, life does not promise us a smooth ride all the time.  This is the very nature of existence.  This is what the Buddha called Dukkha, meaning, very difficult to bear.  We may ascribe it to our past bad kamma taking fruition now.  Whatever the reason or the cause, the truth is that existence is such.  As Buddhists we understand this true nature of existence and try our best to persevere the bad times.  However, we do not just leave it as that.  We take positive steps to the best of our ability to alleviate our worldly problems, just like everybody else.

I hope you have better news from the second opinion from your doctor.  I came across this site which you may like to read further about kidney cancer: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/kidney

In the meantime take care, and may you have peace in your heart.

Justin Choo