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Buddhists/Strong Emotions

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Expert: - 6/21/2010


Question
Hello Mr. Choo,

    I have a friend in school who I can consider a really good friend. For a while, however, I liked her more than that. I told her and she said she didn't feel the same, and I was fine with that, but my feelings ensued. My question is, in preparation for another situation where I have very strong feelings for someone, what is the best way to deal with them? I know that The Buddha taught that the arousal of feelings is natural, and I've come to accept this, but even meditating on that doesn't always help extinguish the feelings.

Thank You, Kris

Answer
Hi Kris,

(I assume you are the same Kris.)

Buddhism is about about how to live in peace and contentment.  Worldly affairs actually need worldly solutions.  You may not solve worldly problems with Buddhism; but you may be able to resolve worldly issues by undertsanding Buddhism.  

Why do you want to extinguish the feelings?  As you said the feelings are natural, so let them be.  Unless you are pursuing the path of deep spiritualism, I think there is not a need to suppress natural feelings.  So long as you don't allow these feelings to overwhelm your system, I think there is no harm having them.

Hope this makes some sense.

Take care.

Justin Choo  

Buddhists

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Justin Choo

Expertise

When in doubt seek it out. All your questions will be answered, and you may not have to agree with the answers. Such is the beauty of Buddhism. You are free to decide. I follow the Theravada tradition, and have been studying Buddhism for more than 40 years. Please view my profile for more details. I have answered more than 1500 questions since joining this category. You may like to give me the honor to answer your question.

Experience

I was brought up in the 50's as a Buddhist. For the past 40 years I have read numerous books on Buddhism and listened to numerous talks on Buddhism by well-respected and learned monks and lay teachers. I conduct Buddhist classes for parents of Sunday School children in a Theravada Buddhist Temple. My teacher was the late Chief Reverend, The Ven. K Sri Dhammananda of The Brickfields Buddhist Mahavihara, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can view the relevent website in memory of my revered late teacher @ http://www.ksridhammananda.com

Organizations
I am a life member of the Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.

Publications
YOU ARE INVITED TO VISIT MY BLOG @ http://lifeislikethat999.blogspot.com/ Published a book called "The Rainbow And The Treasure". It is a compilation of extracts from various sources to introduce Buddhism to beginners. (Currently out of print)

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Commerce And Administration, Victoria University Of Wellington, NZ.(1974)

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