Expert: Justin Choo - 6/15/2010

Question
Hi Justin,

I have been interested in Buddhism for almost 30 years, but I am only recently taking it very seriously and now consider myself a Buddhist. I have three things that are conflicting with what I've been studying.

1) I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner every night. The fifth Buddhist precept tells us to “abstain from intoxicants, which cause heedlessness.” Is this true with just one glass of wine per day?

2) I have a very strong fear of spiders. I cannot stress to you how strong this fear is. Buddhism teaches me not to harm any living thing. I always kill the spiders I see. What do I do about this?

3) Since fully embracing Buddhism, I think very differently about Christmas. I was raised Catholic and Christmas was a very important to my family growing up. What do I say to people when they ask me why I no longer decorate my house during the holidays? Or that I took down the crucifixes and other items adorning my house? I try to explain that I am now a Buddhist, but it often ends up turning into a debate about how I've become an atheist and that I'm going to go to hell. My mother is extremely disappointed in me, and nothing I say to her makes her understand that I am happy and Buddhism is good for me.

Thank you,

Cath

Answer
Hi Cath,

Welcome, and I shall make a general comment first.

The precepts are not commandments.  They are ideal guiding principles for us to practise to the best of our ability.  If we can follow these precepts perfectly, then we are perfect persons.  As we are just mere mortals trying to live a harmless, peaceful, and contented life; chances are that we cannot follow the precepts to their fullest.  That was why the Buddha never command that we did so.  He encouraged us to practise to "the best of our ability"; to "refrain from".

On this premise alone, we can lead a normal practical life, without being slaves, trying to uphold idealism and perfection.  We simply are not perfect, so how can we practise perfection?  We create problems for ourselves when we try to do the impossible.

Now the answers to your questions which you should bear in mind the above comment:

1) I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner every night. The fifth Buddhist precept tells us to “abstain from intoxicants, which cause heedlessness.” Is this true with just one glass of wine per day?

The fifth precept as you correctly stated is “to abstain from intoxicants, which cause heedlessness.”

And you asked: "Is this true with just one glass of wine per day?"  Did you get drunk by drinking one glass of wine per day?  If you didn't then why worry?  The precept is to prevent you from getting drunk.  Since you did not get drunk, then logically you have practised to your best ability.

The danger is that others may try one glass, and then another, until the person gets drunk or become a habitual heavy drinker.  If you are not within this category, you are fine.


2) I have a very strong fear of spiders. I cannot stress to you how strong this fear is. Buddhism teaches me not to harm any living thing. I always kill the spiders I see. What do I do about this?

An easy and saintly answer is "don't kill them."  But this is not going to be my answer.

Let me share with you my "secret."  I understand your situation completely.  I have this phobia of house lizards; and unfortunately in tropical climate where I am living, we have lots of house lizards.  I leave them alone as best I can if they stay outside the house.  I try to chase them away if they dare invade into my house.  Failing which, I did the unmentionable.  A few times I had to "get rid" of them right infront of the Buddha image.  That was really bad; I did not enjoy doing what I did; and I knew it was unwholesome.  But then again I am not a saint or a very holy person; so I just practise to the best of my ability.  For other harmless insects I make atonement by not harming them, including spiders (LOL).  Hahahaha!!!!!

Having said that, I must agree that if possible we should avoid harming all these harmless little creatures.

What about mosquitoes?  You guess it right.  Now you are being a "practical" Buddhist!!  All your "conflicts" solved!!


3) Since fully embracing Buddhism,.........but it often ends up turning into a debate about how I've become an atheist and that I'm going to go to hell. My mother is extremely disappointed in me, and nothing I say to her makes her understand that I am happy and Buddhism is good for me.

You may remove those things as you are now a Buddhist.  They don't mean a thing to you now. This is fair, and it is your own house.  However, since you are in a "Christain" environment, it is of no harm that you can join in the festivity.  Maybe we should compromise a little with regards to other people's sensitivity.  You still can continue with the Chrismas tradition and that would also make your mother happy.  I think this is important being a good Buddhist...making mother happy.


Hope I have reduced your "conflicts" with my "down-to-earth" answers.

Take care.

Justin Choo