Expert: Justin Choo - 8/22/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi Justin,

It has been sort of a comfort to have come upon this site where one can communicate their questions, which is basically the heart of my question. I’m from a very small community where virtually everyone is Roman Catholic.  As for myself, I’ve had an affinity for Buddhism since at a young age and now in my more mature years I find myself yearning for the presence of like-minded people. The internet has been my only source for discussions and I’m now feeling a need for the company of real people to share this path and have as yet been able to find in my area.  I reflect on these feelings in my meditations and wonder why there is such a need, and why I find it so difficult to be on my own on this path.  Could you point me towards freeing myself of this hardship.


ANSWER: Hi Linda,

Welcome to this site.  I hope it will provide you the avenue to communicate with "like minded" people.

It is natural to want to "belong" to the same group.  But don't despair.  There are always the pros and cons to any option.  Sometimes when one is in the company of like-minded people, problems may still arise such as inter-personal conflicts.  And when one is on one's own; just like me; one may have the freedom to do what one wants, without having to consider the sensitivity of others.  Of course it all boils down to individual preference.

I am sure there are Buddhists in your area if you really search for them.  As you know the internet is a marvelous source of information.  Use it.  Do Google Searches.  Announce in your Facebook.  Join Buddhist forums.  Surf the Buddhist websites.  I would recommend this site as a starter, and you can go further from the links provided. The site which I consider as the "mother" of all Buddhist sites is :
http://buddhanet.net/

<< Could you point me towards freeing myself of this hardship.>>
Please take it easy. Don't consider this as hardship.  You can even take this feeling as a subject of your meditation, and contemplate that this feeling too will pass in due time.  I am sure if you search through the internet, you will definitely find some friends around your area.  You may like to find the nearest temple in your area through http://buddhanet.net/ and "hardship" will become "friendship"!!

Hope this helps.

Take care, Linda.

Justin Choo

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Justin,
Thanks so much for answering. I’ve previously done this search and the nearest centre is 3&4 hrs from my home. The last time I was in that area, there was no one there and no response to my messages. But what I mean to miss, is being able to relate in a day to day ambiance with people. I feel like such an outsider and who or what I am seems so foreign. I’m very open-minded and accept others as they are, except it’s like I can’t seem to express my true being with others. It might have been harsh explaining it as a hardship, but it is certainly an uneasy feeling. Maybe the fear of ridicule or cynicism which in turn reflects that what others think of me still affects me. So I’ve just sort of been following this path and living it as best as I can so far, but there is still this longing to connect. However ultimately I suppose the work is with me. Thanks so much for the links, and I agree, the net is full of marvelous information.    


ANSWER: Hi Linda,

Thanks for the follow-up.  There seems to be no question asked here.  

You are always welcome here to communicate with me.

Take care.

Justin Choo

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Justin,
I guess you’re right, I didn’t really ask a question. You see for me, Buddhism represents a way of life rather than a religion. It’s like seeing the world at a deeper level, under the surface. Most people live life on the surface without looking deeper. Buddha taught that there was suffering, the origin of suffering, the cessation of suffering and the path that leads to the cessation of suffering. In relating to people, I often see the cause of their suffering but I find it difficult to express what I see, I can only hint at it softly and subtly, but also realize that they have their own path. Ironically, I see this in myself as well. I know that I am suffering but I can’t seem to see what it is that is making me long for some sort of connection. So, at the end of the day, I sort of ache to look into someone’s eyes, and realize or know, hey, you understand what I’m saying. So I guess what I would be asking is, do you see what it is that makes one want to belong or bond, and what would be a subject of contemplation for me? Thanks so much.  

Answer
Hi Linda,

"..do you see what it is that makes one want to belong or bond, and what would be a subject of contemplation for me?"

The answer is in the second Nobel Truth...the origin or cause of suffering.  So long as we entertain our sense desires there will be suffering.  We cannot fully satisfy our desires permanently, as all things are impermanence. The cause of our suffering is our desire to be.

The subject of contemplation is to note this 'frustration" of not being able to get what one desires.  But at the same time, being a normal person, you can still seek company.  The caution is not to let this "desire" overtake your sense of reality of existence, that this world is such that there is suffering.

Hope this helps.

Take care.

Justin Choo