Expert: Justin Choo - 1/13/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hello!

I have had problems with losing my temper throughout my life.  It seems that even when I feel like I am making progress and meditating regularly, I still can't keep my cool.  When I get angry at my children, I have so much very deep and painful suffering over what I have done to them.  So much regret, so much sadness.  

My question is 2-part, I think... First of all, will I ever be able to keep from losing my temper permanently?  Secondly, can I pray to Buddha or compassionate dieties for help??

I am confused about asking for help and about the "spirit" side of Buddhism.  I get that most of what we believe is just perceptions and contructs that we become attached to, rather than ultimate reality, which is always changing.  Doesn't this apply to dieties, as well?  Does a spirit Buddha really exist who can hear my call for help?  Or is the existing Buddha just the potential within each of us?  If I pray for help, am I really just asking for help from myself, since the Buddha is within all of us?  

At times I pray to end suffering of all beings.  This feels right.  I just don't know if it is right to pray for myself, specifically.  Is it okay to want to get help from Buddha or other beings, are they "real" or just something that I am hoping for?

Very complicated questions, I know!

Thank you so very much,

Kelly

ANSWER: Hi Kelly,

1. We brought with us a vast storehouse of kamma, some good, some not very good.  Some people are by nature very amiable and very patient.  Others like you and me are not so fortunate to have such good kamma to be amiable and patient at all times.  The result, we get angry easily. This you must understand, and then you can start to improve yourself.  Each time you fail, just learn from it, realize the fault, and try again.  This is what I do.  There is no miracle that can just chase our negative traits away.  We must work on it.  If you are a good meditator, you can train your mind to be more alert and mindful when faced with such difficult situation.  Gradually, you will improve.  

2. There are two possible explanations to prayers.  The first is purely psychological.  The second is the belief that some good devas or dieties may come to our assistance.  As for the Buddha, certainly he is not going to hear your payers.  The Buddha is dead and gone.  His teachings are the most important gifts to us.  When we practise his teachings, we will be automatically protected.  Good actions beget good results.  There is no such thing or person as a spirit Buddha.

It is not very complicated after all.

Take care.

Justin Choo

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for giving me some clarity on this issue.  Do you know if Buddha taught about dieties who could help us?  Or did this idea of good spirits get added on to his teachings after he was gone?  I appreciate about Buddhism that we can test the truth of the teachings through our own experience, and we are not expected to believe in mystical things that we can't experience.  On the other hand, I have had a couple of experiences which make me suspect that a compassionate spirit can come to us during desperate times.  What are your beliefs on this?

Answer
Hi Kelly,

Thanks for the encouraging ratings.  It always gives a feeling of happiness knowing that my effort and contribution are appreciated.

As I wrote in my first answer, certain devas or kind deities may respond to our "prayers".  This usually happens to those who live wholesome lives and are spiritually inclined, irrespective of religion.  Some may ascribed to God's answer.  Whatever, there are certainly beings out there who may help us if we live a wholesome and harmless life.

Hope this clarifies.

You are welcome to visit here any time should you need further clarification.

Take care.

Justin Choo