Expert: Judy - 4/8/2011

Question
I have a problem to solve so please help me and I will explain the problem, I am a Buddhist and I have a girlfriend and she is a university student. Both of us are truly love to each other and there is no doubt between us and therefore she tells every thing with me. As she is a university student she has lot of friends. However out of those friends 6 or 7 friends are much closer than others because most of the time she spend her time with them. My girlfriend is friendly chatty and she has an attractive voice. Out of those 7 friends one boy has a girlfriend and it is more than 4 years for their affair. As my girlfriend said, this boy little bit away from his friends ( 7 friends ) and not talk with them as earlier. And that time my girlfriend and others called him and asked why didn’t you come to have lunch with us like that. After few days this boy called to my girlfriend and asked her to come and meet him. Then she went to meet him. Although he asked to meet her, when she went there he was not confident enough to face her. However he started to talk and he was telling like “ I know friend this is not good thing and I don’t know how to explain what I feel by words. And I know I have a girlfriend and I love her lot and even I know you also have a boyfriend. However friend I have a special feeling on you and I have no words to explain that feeling” when this boy was saying like that, my girl friend was scared and she was embarrassing and she didn’t know what to tell with this guy. This boy’s girlfriend didn’t know about this situation and he asked my girlfriend to not to tell this thing with me. Then my girlfriend told with him ok I will never tell this with my boyfriend but you should remember that you are only one of my friends and there is no more than that. And also she told with him if this was the reason to get away from his friends, don’t be like that and come and get together with as earlier. Then he agreed with my girlfriend to stay as earlier and dispersed from that place. Although he agreed to stay as earlier, still he doesn’t as earlier. After few weeks he again called to my girlfriend and told with her “ see friend that chapter is still not closed”.  Now my girlfriend is embarrassing and struggling from this problem and she doesn’t know how to solve this problem. And also she doesn’t like to this guy get away from his friends because of her.
So tell me what is the solution that she needs to take in order to get rid from this and also she wants to know what kind of feeling this guy has on her

Answer
People have the right to express how they feel.  Nobody can control how others feel.  The guy was just telling your girlfriend how he felt.  He was not forcing her to do anything or demand her for anything, so there is no need to worry about anything. However, she has to speak out and to tell the guy HONESTLY how the difference she feels for you and for him.  If she makes things clear to him, the issue will be solved on its own.