Expert: Joe McSorley - 6/27/2011

Question
After only 16 verses of the Tao Te Ching, I felt such intense vitality arise within me and i knew that this adverse transcendence of thought was the greatest answer I ever could have pulled from the grab-bag of life.  For 3 days I was in absolute peace, in accordance with the oneness of spiritual abundance.  Then I decided to drink.  It threw me off my center and I lost myself trying to find it again.  I have always been very critical and respecting of western ideology.  Before delving into the realm of Tao I found spiritual reconciliation in myself by come to conclusions about the nature of humanity and Satan's role in manipulating people into alienation.  Now I don't know if i even believe in God or Satan, but when I had the Tao at my disposal it didn't matter to me.  During both the transcendental periods I found myself connecting strongly with other people and being very helpful and empathetic.  I can still be both, but I feel as if I try to hard to connect and that keeps me from connecting.  I feel emotionally detached, depressed sometimes, because I cannot draw the same amount of revelations from my psyche.  Perhaps it is because I'm getting older and the things I had thought were not exactly true.  Perhaps I have fried my brain with incessant marijuana use (I've been sober for 2 months).  Perhaps I am just being a coward.  I want to experience the enlightenment I felt before, because I know it will bring me back to the way I felt even before I found it in the first place.  Wanting is a paradox for me.  When I'm not wanting I know I found what it was i was wanting before, so i identify with it and lose myself within the identification.  I have many things to offer in my writing but I feel that I cannot help others without first helping myself.  I'm sorry this is all very complicated, but I read some of your other posts and you seem to be able to help me out.  I'm 18 years old and I know I have much growing to do.  Any Ideas?

Answer
Dear Cole,
It is good that you got to experience something good from reading the Tao Te Ching and I am glad it is driving you to do more. The Tao did not disappear; the world doesn't go away because you closed your eyes. For whatever reason it resonated with you and you had a quick glimpse of something wonderful.  Unfortunately that door closed for you.  In a true and genuine awakening you would not have been able to lose it; you would not have chosen to drink.  I think it resonated with you but it did not take hold of you.  It’s like a guitar string resonating to music in the room; it is not its own music but it is tuned right to receive the other music for a moment.
   Trying to get it back creates its own problems for it is not something static that you reach back and grab or regain.  It’s like trying to drink the same glass of water over again, you can’t do it.  You can only train yourself to create the conditions that allows for this to happen.  You cannot do this with expectation for that too will be an impediment.  It came to you suddenly and unexpectedly and that’s the way it will happen again.
     I doubt your brain is fried beyond repair.  You need to maintain a healthy and clean lifestyle so that your body can recover from the abuse.  Try to clear your mind so that you are living here and now without the desire to regain something.  It’s like turning your back on a beautiful sunset and wondering where it went.  It never left but your eye closed to it when you sought to fulfill your ego’s desires.
       You cannot truly help someone else until you help yourself. This world is full of people who want to cast their version of reality on everyone while having no inner peace themselves.  When we try to help other people we are really just inflicting our desires on them for what they should be.  Until you realize your own true nature you cannot help someone else to see theirs.
     Try to still your mind and go back to your reading.  The universe/tao is always in front of you; you must attain the eye to see it.
           I hope this helps you.  Take care,
            Joe