Expert: Joe McSorley - 6/22/2011

Question
I'll get right to the point - it just seems to me that zen is in direct opposition to everything human. I do not understand how we can function, as a society, without opinions and views and dualities and left and right and right and wrong. Society is based on the fact that we are all separate from each other, how can it function if it sees no distinction between things? How can we as a species survive if we don't distinguish between life and death? We would as soon choose death instead of life and then we would all die out because we wouldn't have the desire to live, being 'egoless'. How can one make friends and connect with others if one basically doesn't exist as an individual? What do you have conversations about if you have no opinions or interests or desires, how can you become close to another person if that 'person' has no ego, if you have no ego? How can we love each other if we don't view anyone as 'other'? We would neither love or hate, we would just see that person, that is it. No connection, no empathy, no understanding, no interest to learn about that other person. We wouldn't want anyone else to become a part of our lives as we would have no lives, we would just be alive, not really living.

If we are enlightened, doesn't that essentially turn us into vegetables? Peaceful, content vegetables but... well, how can we exist and mingle with others without opinions, without wanting to have fun and desiring things? What would you relate to people over, how would you talk to them if you have nothing to say...?

I guess maybe I should give you a bit of my personal story, then it might make more sense in the context. Long story short, I used to have very low self-esteem, I had trouble making friends, I could never seem to be happy, was always moody and hiding behind my wall, afraid to talk to anyone. I felt like I "had no life", that common teenage affliction (haha), I felt mostly worthless and I was afraid to try new things and I didn't want to get into anything new that I could bond with people through.

That was most of my early teenage years - then when I was about 14, I came across Buddhism, and it really spoke to me. The reason I was miserable wasn't because of anything about me, it wasn't because I was a loser with no life that nobody seemed to like or anything, I just couldn't accept myself. It wasn't anything external, it was my internal negative thinking that was making me moody all the time. So I began meditating, I tried to observe my thoughts during the day, catching myself thinking "god I'm an idiot" and making sure I saw that for just a thought... and it worked, it really did. I changed, I was less afraid, I could talk to people freely if I wanted to, I was no longer afraid to try new things, and I did try new things like music, I started helping out at many charities... but it seemed to come at a cost. I no longer really felt human, you see. Now I was no longer inhibited, didn't hide behind any walls and COULD speak freely to whoever I wanted to... but I didn't want to talk to anyone any more haha. If people spoke to me, I talked as long as necessary, answered any questions, did all the motions, but... I didn't really try to talk to them. I tried to "see them for who they really were", see them as a part of me in this moment, and in doing so I completely ignored all the labels they put on themselves. That made me more open, less judging, but it also made it impossible for me to really connect with anyone. I wasn't interested in who they were, what they did, what they enjoyed and disliked. I was passive, just observing... not acting, not interacting. I wasn't a person anymore, I wasn't an individual, but at the same time I was, how can I ever not be human? The two sides of me clashed, I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be someone with an identity, but at the same time I completely understood how that led to my earlier misery.

Basically I hadn't really changed at all. I wasn't inhibited, but I was just as quiet and un-talkative as ever. I wasn't afraid, but I seemed just as shy as ever. I wasn't afraid to try new things, but I didn't try anything anyway, didn't make any new friends, and I had just as little of a life as ever, no new hobbies, nothing. I didn't try to have fun anymore, didn't go out with friends to see movies or play video games or what have you, it all seemed to be like chasing wind, I knew I wouldn't find fulfillment like that. But then what? Essentially my life consisted of meditating, school, and eating. And it wasn't bad! I was happy, I was content, but... I don't know. Incomplete? It seems like I wasn't a fully functional person. I didn't want to suffer, so I stayed as present as I could, but at the same time just being there, just observing, almost dead... it seems wrong in some way.

As of now I am 17, and just as confused as ever about how life works... not that that will ever change I imagine, but I just feel like all these years now I've just been throwing a blanket over my ego, ignoring it instead of really seeing through it. It is hard to explain. I feel like I have only learned to forget myself, ignore myself, instead of truly love myself and have respect for who I am. Is there any way that oneness and duality can be compatible? I think that we cannot have one without the other, we cannot choose to see non-duality and ignore our own dual side, but at the same time just indulging in our desires and preferences is also not right. Is there no middle ground? What is the solution, how does one live one's life? Passively, just watching, or actively, interfering and hewing shapes into the uncut block with our opinions? We can't do both, and yet, we have to, don't we?

Thank you for hearing, I'm afraid this was long and winding and confusing, mostly I just really wanted to get it out on paper haha... if you have any insights at all they would be appreciated.

Cheers

Nicolaas

Answer
Hello Nicolass,
  I’ll get right to the point; your understanding of Zen is misinformed.  It is not a mindless oneness nor is it disengaged and idle.  It is the human mind that cannot understand things without the duality of subject and object; the mind itself is the problem.  Animals are individuals, they have their own traits, yet they are not self-aware.  If you’ve ever been around cats it is obvious that they have their own individual likes and dislikes.  They are different expressions of one nature.  In their own way they discriminate between things but it is not a self-aware discrimination.  When you are fully engaged in sport are you one or dual?  If you are one, how do you judge?  If you are dual they you always stand outside of the sport.  Haven’t you ever found yourself to be lost in something; both doing it and not doing it at the same time?  Where you able to make accurate judgments while not consciously making accurate judgments?
  Animals do not discriminate between life and death; they do not make a conscious effort to choose to live, they just live.  There are cases of chimpanzee mothers carrying around their dead offspring for days because they do not make this mental discrimination.  Even while not doing this they will fight to survive because it is their nature.  Life seeks to sustain itself.  Plants reach towards sunlight without a mental discrimination.  To become awakened is to become fully engaged in life and not to be a vegetable.
   Zen is not antithetical to being human, it is in fact, humanity as a full expression of one’s nature without the wandering mind in between.  The Buddhism you seem to be talking about is engaged in detachment and though a common belief in Buddhism it is still a poor understanding of Buddhism.  When you observe people with your own agenda you are seeing them as what you want them to be rather than for whom they are.  You are seeing them through the filter of your consciousness and you judge them thusly as good, bad, fat, thin, friendly or otherwise.  You are not seeing them for whom they are but for whom you judge them to be.  When you see them as who they are then you have real compassion and real engagement because you are not looking for something out of it; you appreciate it as it is.  When you are overwhelmed by a beautiful sunset it is because it is beyond your judgment, you are not dispassionate about it but fully enthralled by it.  It is something you want to share so that others might be so inspired by it.  This is the Zen view of everything in life, each is a reflection of the beauty of nature.  In this state you still have those things that appeal to you and those that do not but your happiness is not anchored to getting your desires.
 Don’t worry and concern yourself with forgetting yourself just stop paying attention to your mind and thoughts as real.  See things for as they are and not as what your reaction is to them.  If you see a woman you judge her looks by your desires and tastes.  You might judge her as attractive or ugly but it is your conditioned mind that does this. If that woman has a baby the baby will always see her as beautiful and wonderful because it sees her purely.  Who can judge beauty better here, the ego self or the baby?  In the state of pure mind you see the depth of nature while still adhering to your nature.  As Lao Tzu put it, if a princess is so beautiful why do deer run from her when she approaches?  Her beauty is only relative to her human stature and there is nothing universal about it.  We react to our nature as animals react to their nature.  It is the human judging mind that makes the difference and has the problems.
   You are far better equipped to make decisions with a pure mind than with just ego consciousness.  You will make them not based on your desires but on the real situation at hand.  Animals constantly make life and death judgments and survive because of it.  The Zen mind is not at all passive and quiescent; it is dynamic and vital while being still.
  I hope this helps you.  Take care,
         Joe