Expert: Justin Choo - 7/28/2011

Question
Hello Justin,

Of late I'm having a lot of imagination which leads to negative thoughts.  Whenever my partner travels, I imagine that she meets other men for fun and pleasure including sex.  I cannot seem to control my mind.  This leads to me having chest pain.  I know this is detrimental to my health.

I know she has friends in overseas and they do have sex.  The thing is that I imagine and believe that they have sex whenever they meet.  My mind keeps imagining this and it's giving me mental anguish.  I'm telling myself the importannce of "now" in Buddhism.  I tried to be mindful.  I tried to think about happy thoughts.  However, the negative thoughts are more powerful.  I don't know meditation.

I did read about your other posts about finding why it's bad for the mind and health.  I just couldn't govern the demons that are talking to me, leading me to the dark side, imagining all the things that she's doing etc.

Philip

Answer
Hi Philip,

Initially from your description of your relationship I thought you must be located in a Western country.  But to my surprise I am wrong.

I need to remind you that this is a Buddhist site, and my comments will be along the Buddhist teachings.  You need not have to agree with me should you choose not to do so.

I assume that you are maintaining a mutual relationship with your partner, short of the legal "husband-wife" relationship. If what I assume is correct, you are now experiencing the ugly manifestation of an association that is not based on a certain degree of mutual commitment. This doesn't mean that the traditional "husband-wife" relationship would never encounter such problem. The fact is that with the casual-type relationship, such problems are more common.  

I will not venture to give you any advice on how to "control" your mind.  I would suggest that you contemplate seriously on this casual relationship, and whether it is the right direction that you are heading.

My sincere apology if I got you wrong.

Take care.

Justin Choo