Expert: Joe McSorley - 9/20/2011

Question
Dear Sir

Im only learning about Zen and Buddhism,I may find the Zen Buddhism somewhat more down-to-earth than other hmm...religions:)? Long story short-I am suffering with loneliness.I am a 27 year old guy,not too good looking but just about the average.I had had love relationships and i dont find to be hard to make new friends-when I say lonely I mean I simply can not find a girl for myself!I am alone since last years november.I tried-everytime the same answer-"lets just be friends":S bored and tired to hear it.

I would like to know ,what is your opinion or advice for me?Is any special view about this in ZenBuddhism or solution?what do I do wrong?all my friends saying:"its just a matter of time"and"a guy like you will easily find somebody soon".I cant believe in it anymore,I am desperate.

Would You please tell me Sir,what can I do?

Thank You sincerely for Your kind answer.

         K."

Answer
Dear Krisztian,
  I can't really give you love advice here, this is not what this site is about, but hopefully I can give you some food for thought.  There are as many people who write saying they are lonely and can't find a mate as there are others, in relationships, who complain about how lonely they are.  They say they are not appreciated or understood.  Many people go into relationships thinking it will fulfill them and when it does not they blame their partner.  You can only be complete in yourself and a partner can only share that with you.  If you are not comfortable with yourself and your life a potential partner will know that intrinsically.  If you create within yourself an openness and awareness it will draw others to you.
  Sometimes extending yourself to others opens up your being to other people.  They get to see you as a deeper person of substance.  Develop what is good and kind about yourself and people will be more drawn to you.  Be more involved in your community and become a vital part of it.
  I hope this helps you and that you have success.
         Take care,
         Joe