Expert: Judy - 9/20/2011

Question
Dear Madam

Im only learning about Buddhism,I have been interested in Krishna consciousness and I love many aspects of it to be so true and good,although I may find the Buddhism somewhat more down-to-earth...:DLong story short-I am suffering with loneliness.I am a 27 year old guy,not too good looking but just about the average.I had had love relationships and i dont find to be hard to make new friends-when I say lonely I mean I simply can not find a girl for myself!I am alone since last years november.I tried-everytime the same answer-"lets just be friends":S bored and tired to hear it.

I would like to know ,what is your opinion or advice for me?Is any special view about this in Buddhism or solution?what do I do wrong?all my friends saying:"its just a matter of time"and"a guy like you will easily find somebody soon".I cant believe in it anymore,I am desperate.

Would You please tell me,what can I do?

Thank You sincerely for Your kind answer.

         K."

Answer
Hello, Krisztian,

You seem to be on the right track for what you are learning and being interested in Krishna consciousness.  Although Krishna consciousness is not really categorized under Buddhist terminology, its concept is the same as what Buddha's teachings are.

As you already knew what Krishna consciousness means, it is not hard to understand that you conditions now or what you view yourself are not what you really are.  Of course, everyone of us craves for love, especially there are times more prominently.  We don't like to be rejected or even to not get what we like things to become.  It's all because of our egos.  

Of course I cannot ask you to just disengage yourself from your conditions and be happy.  When you are still fresh in your life span, without experiencing most things that older people have had, it's highly unlikely that you would be realizing a lot of things.  Telling you just not to worry about your condition is not going to help you.  However, what i can tell you is that trying to understand karma or cause/effect.  Everything happening has its time and reason.  When it is not the time yet, it does not matter how much you pray or want it to happen, it is not going to happen.  Every happening phenomenon and condition is the final result of all the elements meet at the EXACT timing.  When there is lacking of one or two elements, it is not going to happen.  It is just like chemistry.

Although outlooks are important in most cases because our ignorance in nature, they are not the truth about each one of us.  If girls don't think that you are good looking enough for them, then forget about them.  The girls who only look for appearances are not going to satisfy you later in some way, even if you have them now.  There is always something to be needed for exchanging something else. A girl who is attracted to your kindness or your other good characteristics would chances are be there for you till the end of time, except some incidents occur.  There are different girls who look for different qualities in men, as the same way you are looking for a girl.  Whatever you are looking for and a girl is looking for has to meet together in order to connect to each other.  Do you think you can find a non-gambler in a casino?  The answer is NO.

What if you finally find someone you like and in return she likes you and get married, then what?  Life does not end there when a couple get married.  Try not to be caught up by your conditions now.  Every stage in life is ONLY a small portion; look at the truth itself that lies in the reality.  Things don't just start, stop, or end at some point.  Our lives keep going.

I hope this helps