Expert: Anandapanyo Bhikkhu - 1/24/2012

Question
Hi, Uhm I went to teen religion but they didn't show Buddhism. So anyways I'm a teenager who's bisexual and has been raised catholic. Iv looked at many religions and Buddhism really connected with me. My question is what do Buddhists believe in and what should a good Buddhist do? Iv been researching Buddhism and I love quotes from the Buddha (very powerful) and I just want to learn as much as possible. Also my family would probably be upset at me for changing religion so I don't think they would let me go to Buddhist groups, so if u know any internet sites to connect with other Buddhists I would appreciate it. Thanks!
-sorry about the poor grammar

Answer
Dear Rob,

Thank you for your question and the opportunity to answer it.

"My question is what do Buddhists believe in and what should a good Buddhist do?"

Plain and simple, the Buddha taught truth. The Buddha taught that because we cannot see or recognize the truth, we live our lives with suffering and stress. If we can both know and experience the truth of the world, we can be free from the cycle of rebirths and the suffering inherent to life.

There are two main goals for Buddhist practitioners:
1.   Living a happy and harmonious life
2.   Achieving enlightenment

How does one live a happy and harmonious life through Buddhism?

Understanding cause and effect
Buddhism teaches us to find the cause of our problems. Once we find that cause, we can take steps to destroying it. Once the cause is destroyed, our problem will never return. If we have one less problem that will not return, is that not happiness?
Learning about yourself

The more we know about ourselves, the more we will be able to commit to actions, speech and thoughts that will truly benefit our lives and bless us with true happiness. True happiness comes from the inside out. We must learn about ourselves. Through learning about ourselves, we begin to understand others.


Compassion and forgiveness

Compassion and forgiveness are key concepts in Buddhism. However, to give compassion or forgiveness without right view is to merely create a higher sense of ego. To forgive, we must first recollect an instance when we have committed the same type of action. We must first understand the motives justifying our actions and the effects of our actions. Without understanding why we have committed an action, we will not be able to allow others to do the same. Through understanding our own actions, we will be compassionate and forgiving towards others as a result.

For example, if someone cuts in front of you in line at a bank, this might make you angry. You might try and calm yourself down by telling yourself that this person:

(a)   Didn’t see you
(b)   Is in a hurry
(c)   Is having a bad day

If you try to have compassion or give forgiveness, it will only be given based on a condition. The danger of having compassion or giving forgiveness in this manner is that it is conditional. If compassion or forgiveness is based on a condition, it will only stand as long as the condition stands. Therefore, if you find out later that they:

(a)   Did see you
(b)   Were not in a hurry
(c)   Were not having a bad day

You would no longer be able to forgive or have compassion for this person. This is because your forgiveness and compassion was born out of a condition.

In order to truly feel compassion or give forgiveness, you must first understand the action. Begin by internalizing. Ask yourself: Have I ever done this? (cut in line, taken someone’s place, …) If not, ask yourself a second question: Have I ever done something like this?(made others wait, been inconsiderate of others,…) Once you find a situation in which you have done it, you will understand firsthand why you did it. You will have empirical knowledge as to the cause and effect of your actions. You will be able to see both sides of the situation. Through this understanding you will understand why others do it. Then you will be able to generate true forgiveness and true compassion. In addition you will be able to make better decisions and be more aware of the effects of your actions.

True freedom - Living life without conditions

So much of our lives are based on conditions. Conditions, just as everything in the world, are subject to Annicam (change, impermanence). Therefore, if our lives are based on conditions that change, when that change comes, we will experience suffering. We often hear others and (most importantly) ourselves say:

“I would be happier if I had … (BMW, new bike, new girlfriend, more money…)”
-   We assume that we would be happier if we had a new BMW. But we forget about what comes with it – security issues, gas prices, expensive maintenance, driving people around and/or people wanting to borrow your car.

“I wouldn’t be so mad if he/she did …. Instead of …”
-   We think we would not be so mad if others changed their actions or speech, however, even when they say things differently or act differently, we still get mad. This is because the anger stems from perceptions inside of us, not from the actions of others.

“I am so lonely, if only I had someone …”
-   We think that our loneliness will be gone if only we had someone. However, even when we have someone, we still feel lonely, regardless of whether they are close by or not. This is because the loneliness comes from inside.
All these statements are based on conditions. Once the condition changes, our satisfaction and happiness also change. Therefore, learning to live without setting impermanent conditions is the way to a happy life.



In terms of your being raised in a Catholic family:

A true Buddhist would never judge a person based on a religion or belief. Buddhists believe that each human being has the ability and potential to liberate themselves from their own suffering. What the Buddha taught was truth, not just Buddhist truth, but universal truth. Universal truths are true for all beings, regardless of sex, creed, religion, age, species or any other factor. All living beings are on a path, a path that encounters suffering every step of the way. At the end, there is cessation of suffering. Each human being is only responsible for their journey, their path. Therefore, true Buddhists would not judge or even critique another’s journey or their path.

We cannot judge a religion based on the actions of its followers. All followers are merely human beings. All human beings are fallible. That is our nature. Therefore, we will make mistakes. Those mistakes belong solely to the individual who makes them. That individual is responsible for their mistakes and the results that come from them, not the religion. Therefore, we must be careful lest we judge a religion based on its followers. If all followers acted properly and harmoniously, what need would we have for religion?
There have been many religions in the history of the world, and there will be many more. A religion is basically people’s best attempt at understanding the world and the truths and suffering inherent to our existence. Since this is their best effort at alleviating their suffering, who are we to judge?


Sincerely,